Sunday, September 5, 2010

Getting Hit On

I read the following comment the other day in a column called "Male Call.''

A woman wrote, "Any woman knows this has always been a problem, but lately it seems worse. I'm talking about constantly getting hit on by guys. I know it's supposed to be flattering and in some circumstances it is, especially if the guy is attractive. But when I'm at the drugstore in sweats and a stocking cap, all I want to do is make my purchase and leave. I don't want to get chatted up by some guy in line. And then they act as if you're a (b-word) when you let them know you are not interested. I guess this isn''t really a question, just an observation. I don't understand why guys can't be more in tune with the situation before making a move.''

The answer was that guys figure if they are rejected by 99 women, one might be receptive so nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Since most of the people who comment on my blog are women, I thought I would ask for their insight. Are you flattered when guys you are not attracted to hit on you? Does it make you feel attractive? Or do you wish they would leave you alone?

And, hey, you guys out there can comment on hitting on women. Bonnie on wrote that her readership is something like 60-40 male but her comments are 70-30 female. I wonder why more men don't leave comments?



  1. Just because someone is unattractive doesn't make the advance less inviting, it is the timing. Sometimes when you are in sweats or whatever, you may not feel well and just want to run in and out or hell you may just be in your own little world at the time.

    As a woman I look forward to compliments or being hit on by a woman much more attractive. A women isn't just giving you a compliment, they usually mean it and because they gave you a compliment they aren't expecting you to drop to your knees for an instant blow job because you spoke to

    And let's face it women are much more critical of each other.

  2. I think it really depends on the person and how they're doing it. Some guys tend to be pretty vulgar about it and can't understand why women get offended. The most offensive thing that happened to me was when I'd tell a guy that I'm married or attached, and they'd say something like "well I bet I'm a better lover than him" or "are you looking for a little something on the side". I also had a drunk guy harass me in a club once. He wanted me to go home with him and kept trying to grope me until a friend of a friend pretended to be my boyfriend and started dancing with me. LOL

    If a guy just strikes up a conversation and asks me if I'm with someone, that doesn't bother me. I don't think it's offensive for a guy to express interest... as long as it's done in a tasteful and respectful way.

    And it really doesn't matter to me whether I find them attractive or not... as long as they're nice. Back when I was single, if a guy expressed interest in me and I wasn't attracted to him, I'd just tell him I wasn't interested in a relationship, but I wouldn't mind being friends. Most guys appreciated that and I even ended up going out a few times with a couple of them. Nothing ever came of it except friendship, but friendship was more important to me at the time anyway. :)

  3. I wonder why more men don't leave comments?

    Well, it is hard to hit on a girl by commenting on her blog, so, ya know, why bother?

  4. Hi FD,

    I think most women have had this experience, both in real life and in cyberspace. I agree that attractiveness is not the issue because I'm not going to be interested even if the man resembles my favorite actor.

    What floors me is that I discuss my status regularly on my blog, yet guys don't accept that. They write me and tell me which of my body parts they like best and what they want to do to me. I wear a wedding ring IRL and make no effort to conceal it. Still, I get approached in all sorts of places. I'm a grandmother for goodness sake!

    Do I feel flattered? No, not usually. A demonstrated lack of basic respect is not generally a positive event. Occasionally, it can be unnerving and creepy, such as when it happens in a parking lot around dusk.

    With that said, I enjoy talking with men. I like hearing their perspectives, especially when it's a safe situation and they are reasonably polite.

    As for the statistics I shared, I was hoping someone could explain that to me.


  5. i get hit on by guys but i honestly dont take offense..if the comment made to me was polite i just smile and say thank you and tell them im involved with someone.. if its a vulgar comment, which i havent had many, just an innocent look and keep on walking is all it takes.. im never in a place where i worry about my safety, so thats not an issue... i dont see any reason to be mean to someone because of an attemped "i would love to get to know you" kinda comment, whether they are attractive or unattractive. being nice or smiling is good for everyones ego, ya know, and makes your day sooo much (i have to say something about the "attractive " thing though- i honest to God dont base anything on peoples looks- men or women... personality is sooo much more appealing to me, even if it starts out with a "hit on you" i cant even count the dumb comments i have made
    anyway, smile, be nice is my motto.... it might just make someone day, ya know :)

  6. "hit on"? Does that mean asking over-direct questions like "are you up for it?" I don't think I would ever do that. I like talking with women and I especially like it when they seem to like talking with me: listening to what they say, seeing them smile at me, etc.

    Come to think of it I have "hit on" women quite outrageously but only (a) in the distant past (b) when very drunk and (c) very badly (though it did work sometimes and with real babes too!)

    What I do do is eye women up (what is that in American?). I hate doing it -- it's a habit. I think it's disgusting and weak, and probably looks stupid too.

    What about men being hit on and eyed up by women? I have two memories:

    1. (long ago) One night after a club, so drunk I could hardly stand, being hit on very strongly by a woman. I knew the woman and I knew that she was extremely ugly. She was very very persistent and it took all of my will-power to walk (at all) on my own feet quick enough to shake her off and hail a cab. Ugh.

    2. (recently) One day shopping at a diy store a woman in shell suit (aka track suit) walking towards me --- rough, working class, not especiially pretty --- gave me a complete up-and-down look over. It took a split second but it was an obvious and thorough assessment (I've eyed up babes in exactly the same way). I was quite shocked, also quite pleased with myself, finally quite turned on.


  7. I think it depends on the time and situation. If I'm on a mission, I don't want to be interrupted. I just want to be left alone to do my thing. Any other time, I'm good. It gives me a sense that someone is interested for some reason.

  8. PV: I've heard women are more citical of each other, but why? What happened to sisterhood?

    Turiya: Always good to form friendships.

    David: How about some friendly conversation?

    Bonnie: I find the stastics interesting, but can't explain them either. And, Bonnie, you are a sexy grandmother, but that doesn't excuse some of the emails you get.

    His flower: Yes, personality can trump looks.

    PL: Men probably don't mind being checked out by women.

    Sensual: Yes, nice to know that somebody is interested.

    Interesting comments and keep them coming.


  9. I'm usually just hit on by guys when I'm out drinking, so I would be more likely to take it as a compliment if someone tried hitting on me while sober in a neutral place like a store or café. (Although I'm almost always at those places with my boyfriend, so I guess that puts a stop to that;)

  10. FD
    I am not sure why woman are more critical of each other but they are to a fault. I think it may be that we are all in competition.
    I know I do look at a woman and wonder if she has any real friends because of the way she is dressed, lol.

  11. I scare guys (I think). Because no guy so far ever had the guts to look in my face and say something vulgar. but I've heard all the snide comments behind me.
    I've got this look that says 'I can't hear you' what are you saying. I totally ignore them, they get bored and move away.
    I haven't heard a you look good comment from a guy other than my cousins or family soooooo ........
    guys should take their cues from the lady. and just skip all vulgar language

  12. I'm flattered if I am hit on regardless of who it is; as they are not creepy stalker type of course...

  13. Since I wear a wedding ring, I prefer not to be hit on at all. I don't mind if a guy talks to me while I am out or anything like that though. I don't really consider that being "hit on" though. When I am walking in my neighborhood, or anywhere else really, I don't like being whistled at or hearing "hey baby". That is actually just annoying.
    The one time I really appreciated a comment was when I was driving back to work from lunch, I was pregnant with my first child. I was stopped at a light and a guy in a truck next to me looked at me as he pulled up and said "you are so beautiful". It made me feel so good bc I was 8 months pregnant at the time and not feeling all that pretty. I will never forget it though bc he seemed very sincere.

  14. It is flattering to be hit on occasionally but does depend on how the guy does it. Some men can be extremely vulgar with how they go about it. When you hear some of our English blokes whistling at some of the girls and shouting after them "hey, love your tits" or "I bet I'd look good on you". No thanks.


  15. From a man's perspective... we have no clue. Like Jerry Seinfeld said, “We’re out of ideas”. That's why guys honk horns and whistle at girls walking past construction sites. We don’t know what else to do.

    Some of us are more sophisticated and conduct ourselves in a more civilized fashion yet we are just as clueless. We can surely all count more failures than success in our approaches to women.

    As to the guys that hit on every woman they see knowing 1% will respond favorably... I've had friends over the years that used that approach. They were losers. I think they fit in the "horn honking, construction site whistling" group. They're out of ideas. Doesn't say much for their level of intelligence.

  16. I am approached by men, both online and offline. I am always flattered. I think there is a mystery between men and women. And I think that when a man encounters a woman there is no telling where it can go. I've found that with my blog audience and in some of the social networking I do to promote my blog, some men approach me for "activities" that they assert will have "no affect" on my relationship with my Master.

    I think that when men encounter a woman who appears confident and sexy. And if she talks about sex like it's some kind of delicious food (like I do on my blog), they lose control of their rationality.

    A compliment. Always.

    Although sometimes I have to just politely create distance.

    In person, it is also a compliment. Men and women. It's a game. A raw, sexy game. It's supposed to be fun.

    A creepy or inappropriate guy once in a while doesn't know which women will respond to his approach and which one won't. Can you blame them for trying?

    An interesting thing happened to me once, though. I went to a service station all "dolled up" and got help pumping my gas (without asking for help). Went back to the station a few weeks later in my personal version of sweats and a ball cap. No help. Same men. No help.

    Interesting game, isn't it?

    Thanks for asking the question, FD!