Saturday, May 21, 2016


The D/s lifestyle that we celebrate in the blogs tends to be off the radar screen. I wish there was more research on the subject. I tend to think that D/s couples have a closeness that vanilla couples don't. I tend to think there is more communication and playtime tends to keep them closer.
What brought up this subject was a NY Times article written by a woman who says her marriage ended because of the silence in the relationship. they not only didn't fight. They didn't communicate.
Here's the article:
Will be curious to hear your reaction.


  1. Hi, Definitely more closeness over here :)
    love Jan, xx

  2. What she describes was my ex and I. Even now I find it beyond difficult to have a conversation which reaches above trivia. My current relationship is so different. Partly because of the M/s, but also because we are different people, not afraid of silence, but also not afraid to discuss important issues.

    1. Great to hear your current M/s relationship is much different.


  3. I think it's possible for vanilla couples to have the same closeness, they just have to put in the work.

    Before husband and I started this, we were *somewhat* like that couple--we were friends, we laughed and spent time together, we loved each other, I needed him and he needed me, there just wasn't intimacy and absolutely no vulenerablity.

    I think people get lazy and give up in vanilla relationships and it reaches a point where there's no fixing it, so they fall apart. Relationships require a lot of work. It feels like that work is more important because I have more to lose, now that we're D/s. But, perhaps, D/s just allowed me to see all that I had to lose...

  4. There are many good and bad vanilla relationships as there are good and bad relationships in the D / s. The problems in their relationship was that both of them were afraid of conflict. This is bad in any relationship whatsoever.
    Nej, clossenes in relationship has nothing to do with D/s or vanilla.
    The most important is, how personalities fit ihop.I like their solution to take care of the children. wonderful.

  5. D/s helps to keep us more mindful. I do think that's possible without D/s, but it certainly has helped foster communication and closeness in our case.

  6. Any relationship (vanilla, ttwd, D/s, M/s, Dd, etc. can be wonderful but they all take a lot of work. But I really do believe non-vanilla encourages more open communication...I have been in ttwd and vanilla relationships and found that my HoH's were more open to honest communication than my vanilla partner was.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

  7. I agree that vanilla couples can have that same level of closeness, but ttwd does foster greater communication and consideration of our partners feelings, point of view etc.


  8. Definitely closer with our TTWD relationship.
    Hugs Lindy