Here's an interesting article from the N.Y. Times on how the idea of a guy picking up the phone and asking a woman out on a date and taking her to a restaurant and a movie is so old-fashioned in our texting, hookup culture. Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html?src=me&ref=general
Will be interested in your thoughts.
FD
Virtue
1 hour ago
i read this! Very interesting.
ReplyDeletei have some young friends who are in relationships or married who tell me they never dated. Apparently, they met and hung out in a group and then somehow segued into an exclusive relationship with each other without ever having a formal date.
It seems to have worked ok for them... i don't now if they've really missed out on something important or not. On the other hand, i have a friend, also in her late twenties, who talks about having a date with her best girlfriend and her little brother and the guy she's sleeping with (not at the same time.) For her, it just means agreed upon time committed to that person, and that seems to work for her.
The old system was fun in some ways, but it sure could create a lot of misery and angst too. Maybe it's ok if it's gone.
I'm kinda mixed on this. After some of the dates I had in my 20's,, I would have gladly traded them in for meeting in a social environment to get to know each other first. It would have saved me from a world of hurt and embarrassment. If you're meeting someone for the first time that you've only known online, isn't it better to meet with a group of friends first?
ReplyDeleteAlso when you look at it, how do we meet our boyfriends in high school or how do you meet guys without the Internet? You meet in social situations. You generally get to know each other as friends first. You hang out and then you start dating.
So from my perspective, the hanging out part has always been there. It's just with the Internet maybe things are evolving a bit. You get to know each other first online, then hang out and then when you know each other a bit better, you start dating.
I think the real issue is people are so eager to rush into relationships before really getting to know someone as a friend first. We live in the age of instant gratification. People just aren't willing to take their time with anything anymore.
I'm older than most and my Sir is even older than me.. {gasp} .. and he is very clear that we have coffee dates in between our sexual dates.
ReplyDeleteIt helps us find time to talk about our lives and families and what went on the last time we were together in a room.. alone.
Of course we talk about that alone time via email but having two types of dates helps keep a balance that I have been completely happy with.
We've gone slower perhaps in our 2&1/2 years than some but we truly know each other in so many wonderful ways.
I'm thrilled with this and we're old enough to remember actual "dating" when we were younger.