Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Addicted to Stress?

There's a new book out called "Addicted to Stress'' that has the theory that women tend to have more problems dealing with stress than men. It says the husband is often asleep the minute his head hits the pillow while the wife is laying awake dealing with all kinds of things running through her head.

I'm curious what our bloggers think about this? Do you think it's true?d How do you do dealing with stress?

Your thoughts?



  1. This definitely describes us about getting to sleep. On the other hand though i'd say i thrive more on stress- almost like i need it to be productive. i do have problems switching it off though.

  2. I wouldn't say women have more problems dealing with stress... I mean all we need is a good frying pan or rolling pin! LOL

    Seriously... I think it's just that women tend to worry about things more. And we have a tendency to let our imaginations get away with us until a little problem turns into a complete catastrophe.

    I also think it might appear that we have more problems dealing with stress because we're more vocal about it. Even if we don't say what's bothering us, it definitely affects how we react toward others... mood swings... you know. Whereas men I think internalize things a lot more... they have the ability to be completely stressed out on the inside and appear completely calm on the outside.


  3. FD - Yes I would say that's possibly true. Spirited is right, I think we tend to make the problem more than it really is.

    If I have a worry I do have problems sleeping but P can seem to push it to one side and sleep.

    Sorry FD, playing catch up.


  4. Yes... I cannot sleep when I am going over and over and over loads and loads of things. It constantly amazes me that the male species in my life do not have that problem. Is it because in my vanilla life I am the controller, the dominant, the bill payer, house wife, mother and worker? Or is it because in my submissive life I have nothing to worry about than please Him? BUT the two worlds interact and fight against each other? If I only had one, or the other, would I be able to sleep?

    Probably not because if I had "one" I would be worrying about being used (or not, or pleasing or not) and if I had "the other" I would be worrying about not being fucked and being insecure about what was wrong with me.

    Totally off track FD, sorry!

    Pahh... sorry FD, as you would be aware my mind is very jumbled at the moment and I probably do not make any damn sense at all!

    Roll on.... Feb 14th!


  5. That's exactly how things used to be for us. He was asleep the second He hit the pillow, and i would lay there for about an hour, with a million things running through my mind.

    Lately, that's changed, i'm asleep almost as fast as Him most nights. He has more of the attitude of why worry about things you can't change, or can't deal with right then. i still tend to ruminate on things more, it's just my nature, but it doesn't interfere with my sleep the way it used to.

    i don't know if it's the DD or what, but it feels great not laying there forever trying to get to sleep. i feel more calm overall now (with some exception, but still - overall), so that may very well be a factor for me.

  6. My comment was too long to post here but thanks for the blog inspiration!!


  7. I deal with stress very poorly and often need to turn to other people for help to be able to manage it at all. I also have some anxiety issues, so if I'm stesssed and laying awake in bed, it can turn into a panic attack pretty quickly.

    I'm not sure if the fact that men can fall asleep right away means that they deal with stress any better than women do. My Master falls asleep super quickly, but if he wakes up during the night he has an extremely difficult time getting back to sleep, especially if he's going through a stressful time at work. I'd say that men and women definitely deal with stress in different ways, but I don't think one way is necessarily better than the other.

  8. Well, we are the complete opposite. My wife A falls asleep very quickly --- I can hear her falling asleep --- and sleeps very heavily. I can take several hours to get to sleep and sleep very lightly. Two possibly relevant factors: A works out regularly, while I do virtually no exercise at all; workwise I am "flexible" which in practice means I am "always on", while A has hard limits about when and where she can work. Oh, another one: A loses her temper suddenly, says her piece, and then gets back to normal, while I can simmer resently (and mysteriously) for days. LOL, I should get out more.

  9. Well we all know women's brains are different, and the emotional parts of our brains are enhanced. I would guess that relates to why we might worry more.

    On the other hand, I know I have been thinking about whether I AM addicted to stress, work, new projects and racing through life. What might it protect me from? I'm thinking....

  10. I am a single middle-ages male and can honestly say that I used to stress out and was up for hours. Now, I am able to fall asleep easier. It is not a matter of which sex you are as far as sleeping patterns - that is a myth.

  11. Its just the opposite with us, I sleep like a baby almost at once, while sir lays awake.. not worrying or being stressed but simply not going straight off to sleep.

  12. I'm not sure how much stress reflects how well or quickly we sleep although J almost always falls asleep quicker than I do.
    I read this article once about how men and womens brains work. It talked about how men are able to not worry about things at certain times because of the way they compartmentalize things. you know, put everything in a box and only deal that one thing when they decide to open that box , making it harder for them to multitask, but also making them less overwhelmed with the things that come at them. Maybe that's why they're able to go to sleep and not worry about things because they box it all up and decide to sleep when it's time to sleep,
    anyway it was an interesting theory.
    I do think it's possible for women to get "addicted" to stress. I know of people who seems to love being overwhelmed. they can't resist adding more and more to their plate til they're completely overwhelmed and stressed. they're not happy if life's not stressful
    I personally would not be happy living like that and don't , but it still takes me longer to fall asleep

  13. FD Sir,

    I dunno, I know before O came into my life I would worry more and had many more sleepless nights. But I don't know if it was PTSD from the Alpha years or just me. Since Christmas I will say that I've, for the most part, been sleeping like a baby. Maintenance helps keep my thoughts in line, and talking to O helps keep the unreasonable fears from taking over.

    Do I handle stress different from him? I don't know if I'm better or worse at handling it.


  14. I think that men definitely let go of stress more than women in general. I am horrible when it comes to dealing with stress and spend far too much time on "what-ifs"...bitching about "what-ifs" gets me in more trouble than anything with Master. He stresses but he also knows when to stop and not let it affect him (like when it is uncontrollable) which is weird because he is obviously far more of a control freak than I. hmmmmm... now he is sitting over me and we are pondering this together. I think it is his desire to make everything OK that makes him appear less stressed on the outside- toward me and the kids that is true. He stresses more about things internal with the family and I am more laid back about that. I stress about everything else in the world...how about you?

  15. I'm not able to positively tell you about what the male species does or does not do when trying to sleep or dealing with stress because I do not have one in my life. That being said, for myself however, I do tend to toss and turn. I have the problem of being able to switch the stress on and off. It can be quite annoying. I'll often lay awake for hours in bed, tossing and turning just going over the day in my head. Very interesting thought.

  16. i find the more i give to him the more soundly i sleep. however, i think staying busy also helps... busy to the point of exhaustion. i believe many people feel that drama/stress makes them feel more involved and important, thus the addiction. I find that while I enjoy interaction and socialness, the drama and stress of others can take a big fat hike out of my life! i'm much happier without it. Since i've learned to let go of the people that cause me stress, i've begun sleeping more soundly.

  17. I'm sorry I'm not leaving individual replies, but I wanted to thank everyone for their very thoughtful replies on this topic. All the comments were very interesting and I enjoyed hearing from all of you. Thanks again.