The Wall St. Journal had a story last week that it's important to read the directions before pouring the detergent into the washing machine. It is apparently more concentrated these days and using too much is bad for the washer and the clothes.
And then it said women do about 76 per cent of the washing. That got me thinking. Men help out more than they did back in the day, but women still seem to do the majority of the washington, cooking, cleaning, child care and all the rest and are expected not to be exhausted at the end of the day but ready to please their man in bed. And, oh yes, that's on top of holding a full time job and trying to move up the career ladder while competing against men who can put their major emphasis on their careers.
That got me thinking about what our women readers think about women's role in society today. You gave some very thoughtful answers last week about the question of sexism in America.
So I thought I'd ask your opinions about women's role in our society. There's an old joke that what women feel they need is a wife. Are they being asked to wear too many hats? Can a woman move up the career ladder while being a wife and a mother?Is it tougher moving up the ladder because you have more responsibilities along with all the stuff at home? Does the man in your life help out at home as much as you want him to?
Your thoughts?
FD
Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for November 3
1 day ago
I think some women do a wonderful job of having it all, they seem to effortlessly move up the corporate ladder. I think tho, they must have very supportive families or a strong support system behind them.
ReplyDeleteI personally think those women (and men) are very rare. Most of them struggle and make really hard choices (between career and family).
Hugs,
mouse
I think the idea of having "everything" is just greedy and unrealistic. Everyone has to make choices, sacrifice one thing to attain another. It's a matter of what value you place on differnt things. I think that many men do feel the pull of career vs. family, and many make choices in favor of family to the detriment of career. I also think that women should carefully consider their specific circumstances and what is truly best for her children or family, in many cases that may not mean staying home. In the end - these kinds of choices are a luxury - many people have to work to provide the bare minimum - it's not a matter of trying to have it all.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can have it all, but it's hard to have it all at the same time. And I think it's damn near impossible if you have little kids. There's just too much to juggle and your prioritiy (or somebody's priority) has to be your kids when they are small.
ReplyDeleteI agree with sin. I think it's much harder for a woman with small children to "have it all" - once kids get to be teenagers they can accept more responsibility around the house, thus relieving at least some of the pressure put on mom and dad once they get home from work.
ReplyDeleteBut anyways, who's to say that a woman only "has it all" if she's raising kids and climbing the corporate ladder? :P I bet if you had asked my mom fifteen years ago or so if she thought she had it all, she'd have said yes. She didn't have to work while she raised her kids and was able to spend time watching us grow up. I think it's interesting that for a lot of people today, that kind of a situation isn't enough, and that some moms feel like they have to work to keep the family's standard of living up. My dad had a decent job but we were never rich back then and it sure would have been helpful if my mom could have worked, even part time, but my parents made their choices and decided that sacrificing fancy cars and expensive trips was a worthwhile thing.
Mouse: Yes, I think some women have to make some very hard choices.
ReplyDeletegreengirl: I think the important thing is for women to have choices and to decide what is best for them and their family.
Sin: Yes, I think you have small kids, it is very difficult to have it all.
TrueBlue: It's great that your mother was able to stay home butin this economy some women have to work to make sure the mortgage is being paid. And some women feel frustrated staying home. It's all about choices.
FD
I don't know... I suppose my environment is and has been a bit different from a lot of other peoples. At least in my adult life. Most of the men I've known have been equal in the care of the home... even if they didn't do the cleaning, they certainly helped with the kids and took care of the landscaping outside (mowing the lawn, trimming hedges, weeding the garden, etc.). I've very rarely experienced a household where the wife/mother was expected to do everything... and in those situations where I have it was a bad marriage to begin with.
ReplyDeleteEven in my relationship, although it's my responsibility to do the housecleaning, if I need help with something or it's getting to be too much all I have to do is ask and Asha will help me. He doesn't expect me to do it all on my own. And caring for Tornado is an equal venture for us. When he's home and I'm writing, he generally takes care of her so that I can concentrate on writing.
Of course this is based on my own experience... other people may have had different experiences in their lives.
spirited
Spirited: You are fortunate to be in such a good relationship where there is so much sharing and that you see other couples doing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteFD
Well it wasn't always like that... my past is a bit weird, but I think in a lot of ways it's been good. It's certainly let me see the world through different eyes than most people. I am glad that I'm in a relationship like this, though. I wouldn't last very long in one that was one sided.
ReplyDeletespirited
The difference between now and when I grew up (I'm a tail end boomer) is that women can choose which hat they want to primarily wear without being belittled in a direction by other women. Finally Finally!! We don't seem to be judging each other based on the placement of values on others. In my corner of the world there are more than expected stay at home dads. The interesting thing I've found is that women are finding that they would like to be at home. I meet few who say they'd be bored or stir crazy or unhappy. I personally admire women who work part time and seem to have it all and are happy with the constant pivoting. It is great to be in a place where you (hopefully) can have the options. Also I've noticed that women don't seem to fear the financial aspects of divorce as much as they once did. They seem to know they can survive themselves if need be. I'm happy for my daughters! And I'm happy I said 'screw you' to the attitude many women in my era had: 'you are short changing your gender if you stay at home with your kids'. I did what I wanted by leaving my career and for me, it was the best thing possible. I am proud I made an unpopular choice. KayLynn
ReplyDeleteKayLynn: The important thing is that you had the choice.
ReplyDeleteFD
Absolutely we wear too many hats- speaking of pre-Master my prior relationships were often spiraling downward due to me making more than men in my life. I do believe a women can be a mother, wife and also sucessful career wise but not without jeapordizing a percentage of each. Perhaps it is not correct but I feel from past experience men are much better at "taking other hats". I think a woman is more expected by society to be there first and foremost for kids, etc: I recall when my ex-husband was laid off for a long time yet it was still me who had to leave work early for the kids when they were sick at school because I would be called first.
ReplyDeleteThough things have changed much - Master is very 50/50 and the majority of the times I develope an attitude toward him is because I feel as though he does too much to help me and worry about being enabled too much...
hello FD
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post on my blog,
I know I am a tad late on this post but so be it.
In my opinion women do wear way to many hats, and most of the time they have no choice.
That being said:
In my line of work I also see a lot of men that also have to wear to many hats. And likie women ,they also have to make some very hard choices.
In my opinion: one mistake that both men and women make way to often is that they are so wound up in the children and work,and forget to take time out for just he two of them.
Then when children are older, they no longer seem to know how to communicate with each other.
And by that time, the attraction that was once there is gone.
Just my thoughts
Hugs Lil Sam