A recent story by columnist Michelle Singletary says that couples who argue about money once a week are 30 per cent more likely to get a divorce than couples who argue about money a few times a month.
This came from a study by Jeffrey Dew, a professor of family studies at Utah State University.
The columnist also recommends reading the "State of Our Unions'' report at www.virginia.edu/marriageproject.
She says that if you find a way to deal with financial issues that are keeping you apart, you'll have deeper intimacy -- emotionally and physically. And she says couples should have serious discussions about money before they get married.
I thought it would be interesting to get feedback from our readers on this issue. Is money an issue in your marriage? Do you fight about it much? Or are you on the same page on money issues?
Your thoughts?
FD
Beautiful scenery
1 day ago
Well Asha and I have an awesome relationship... we very rarely argue and even when we argue it never turns into a screaming match. We have money issues, but we face them together instead of arguing about them. So there's probably a lot to be said about that.
ReplyDeletespirited
My husband has taken care of the finances since we started living together. This was due to the fact that I was not very good at it and had no desire. He always lets me know what it what, he is an avid saver and we are both rather frugal. When it comes to something that I really want, he always seems to come through for me. I don't ask for much, and we are both very thankful for what we have. It is not an issue in our relationship. We never fight about it, and we are on the same page.
ReplyDeleteNow, I could tell what IS an issue........
I think my Hubs and I have got the money thing figured out, though we'd both like not being responsible for any of it.
ReplyDeleteHe handles the big stuff (savings, credit ratings, mortgages, insurance) and I handle the day to day (groceries, paying the bills, clothing and gift shopping). I'm frugal to a fault and he also is careful about what he purchases.
If at any point one feels the other has overspent, rather than argue about it, we have an agreed upon punishment.
Sure, I think $, kids, religion, all need to be discussed before marriage, but maybe couples who have troubled marriages tend to argue about $ more? Of course financial stress can cause problems, but I think couples who have issues, most especially power dynamic conflict and unresolved anger, tend to play them out through money or sex. Both are important and common expressions of power.
ReplyDeleteMoney was a big issue for us.
ReplyDeleteWe were not aligned -- and I took care of all of it.
Ultimately -- I made more money than him which caused a power shift from him to me (a nightmare for a sub)
Money is very important -- any couple who can't sort it out early on -- is unlikely to make it.
sfp
I made my wife handle it all when we were younger--I didn't want to be bothered. This was a colossal and selfish mistake on my part and I wish I had been more a leader in this. We both made mistakes, but mostly our messes were my responsibility.
ReplyDeleteNow, she writes out the bills, but I am aware of every one. I made (and insist on)a system that makes us much more organized and able to communicate.
This will make a good entry on my blog--but first I have to go check my balance :).
I agree with that fact that money issues are on of the biggest problems for couples. Yet, not that it is the money itself most of the time, but lack of it does cause stress in a relationship. The main problem is the two people involved not being open and discussing it, and not being on the same page. You have to be aligned with each others thinking on the finances or it will cause problems...no matter how much money you have. To me, money is the side note, as the communication and respecting your partner that it takes to deal with it are the main keys to it. It's more of a relationship issue than an actual money issue itself. It just so happens that everything seems to revolve around money, so that is where most issues start. Just my humble opinion of course. :)
ReplyDeleteSpirited one: Congrats on your great relationship. Money can't buy that.
ReplyDeleteElysia: Glad to hear money isn't an issue in your relationship. And whatever the issue it, I hope you're both coping with it.
Mad woman: Sounds like you have the money issue figured out. Curious what the punishment is.
Sara: Yes, money and sex can be battlefields for unresolved anger.
sfp: Interesting that you making more money was a problem as a sub but I suppose it's more difficult for him to be in control when you're the bigger breadwinner.
Mick: Good to see you're communicating on the issue.
Dauntless: Yes, a lot of things revolve around money.
FD
When i am with Sir, i have no say in money issues at all. But as i have no say in anything i had never noticed lol
ReplyDeleteKatie: Sounds like you are a real sub.
ReplyDeleteFD
wife and i discuss money occasionally but we each have our role, our specific bills we pay...so no arguing...or rarely.
ReplyDeleteAnd we still haven't had sex in 6 years.
Blows that theory outta the water, lol!
Sir and i never discuss money, and we've had mindblowing sex so...
who knows??
nilla
grinning