In my last post, I talked about the Italian prime minister up on charges of paying an underage girl for sex and then intervening with police when she was arrested on a theft charge. The theme was powerful men paying for sex.
In the comments, there was discussion of why men pay for sex (why women usually don't is a whole other topic) in the first place. There was talk that the women cater to men's needs the way wives don't and that it was deeply connected to their home lives. And that some men pay for sex and then just want to talk.
I think it is all very complicated and there is no easy answer. I think variety is part of it. The excitement of something illicit. And just the fact that the male sex drive is so intense. I don't have first hand knowledge of the subject since I would embarrassed by the thought of paying. That is just me. But I found it interesting to watch the show on the Bunny Ranch con HBO called "Cathouse.'' I find it interesting the men must sign releases and agree to be filmed.
Also are there women out there who know their men pay for sex and how do they feel about it. I don't think it is necessarily a reflection on their home lives. Their men may just want something different.
Anyway, I thought I'd bring up the topic and see what the reaction is.
FD
Three Clips on ST
9 hours ago
There seem to be 2 separate issues. One is why men (one women) need sex outside of a committed relationship. The 2nd is why they choose to pay for it rather than having an affair.
ReplyDeleteAddressing the second point, I remember an interview with Elliot Spitzer* in which he said he thought that using prostitutes would be less messy because of avoiding the emotional involvement.
* For readers outside the US, Eliiot Spitzer used to be governor of the state of New York - until he was caught using very high-priced prostitutes
I don't get it. But I don't get being a man. I have friends who want to go to prostitutes but are too afraid. Just had this discussion with a guy friend about it. He wants to experiment and for some reason doesn't consider sleeping with a prostitute as cheating on his spouse. Maybe men compartmentalize sex in a way women don't. I think they are hornier than women and it's just a different experience. Think about how men have sex. They penetrate the woman. They "invade" the woman's body. Women are the receivers and I think it puts us in a more vulnerable position. I think it's a different experience for us. We really have to trust our partners not to hurt us. That being said, I do not get the prostitute thing. Maybe it's fear of intimacy? Since my hubby only slept with three women in his life (including me) he has said he doesn't understand sleeping with someone he doesn't love. But that's him. And he's not like most guys. Which is why he's my hubby.
ReplyDeleteOatmeal girl: Yes, I remember Spitzer saying that. I wonder if it was a rationalization.
ReplyDeleteMichelle: Good insights as usual and good point about women being invaded. I plan to do a post on how women's sexuality is different from a man's. I will never know for sure but I think that when it is good for a woman, it may be better than sex for a man because a woman has more erogoneous zones. And liked your line about why he is your hubby.
FD
ahh..so much to say so little time. This is a subject with which, I am saddened to say, I have some experience. My husband has payed for sex and possibly still does, I will never really know. Denial, however, is a happy happy place. His reason was that he was not getting sex at home, which was true at that time. I did not understand male sexuality very well then, though I don't claim expertise now! The main thing for me around my experiences with this topic, is it has made it impossible for me to trust anything presented as truth. I don't really believe anymore that men can live in fidelity (at the risk of sounding like a post feminist activist). I am quite sad I have lost this wide eyed innocence and belief, however it is a protective construct to prevent me from shattering again as I did before. Those pieces were scattered to the wind and were very hard to pick up and put together. You think humpty dumpty had it bad ..lol
ReplyDeleteLx
I am regularly asked by men if they can pay me for sex. I think for them it is the only way they feel they can get sex with a sexy woman who 'pulls above their weight'. Also they don't have to invest any emotional energy or risk becoming entangled.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that they ask me indicates that they are capable of paying for sex and have probably done so in the past. As my current partner explained to me only last night where the street girls hang out in my city I feel I can conclude he has paid for sex in the past. It is just something that is part of men's experience.
Talking a lot with men about sex I do not think it is about invasion. There is real joy for them in having sex with a woman who responds to them. They get their joy from seeing sparkles in her eyes and feeling the quiver she gives when they find her sweet spot. They appear to have the deepest reverence for being permitted to worship at our bodies.
I honestly believe this topic is all over the place (the *why*) but I honestly wouldn't mind if my men (H or BF) had that kind of need. As long as he was honest...and as long as he knew she was taking care of herself, getting regular checkups...but then that is a tall order, I know. As far as I know, no one I have been with has done that while seeing me, but they could have, easily. I don't feel threatened by it or feel it is a "bad" thing. To each his own, and everyone's comfort level with it will be different.
ReplyDeleteLittle One: Sorry to hear the pieces were scattered to the wind.
ReplyDeleteMiss AJ: Surprised you are asked regularly if they can pay you for sex. And, yes, I agree that sex is best with a woman who responds to her man.
Chloe: To each his own is a good philosophy.
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