Thursday, October 8, 2009

Eating Alone Together

When we were still engaged and dining at a restaurant on vacation at Marsha's Vineyard, we were asked by the waiter or waitress (can't remember now) if we were newlyweds. I guess we were showing off that glow of new love. Oh, those were the days.

And decades later, we're still together so we stayed the course, but it's now different when we go out to dinner. We sometimes have trouble finding enough to talk about. In fact, I'd rather go out with another couple so we have new topics to discuss. It's not that we don't communicate. We have many similiar interests. But the fact that we do communicate on a day-to-day basis seems to mean that when we go out, we've exhausted our topics.

I don't think this is an unusual situation because I often read about it. What reminded me is when KayLynn commented on my last post that when they were younger, they saw a ccouple now their age not talking much at a restaurant and she said she hoped they didn't reach that stage. But she says they still feel complete together.

Anyway, I just thought I'd bring up this topic to see if other couples in long term relationships have this same situation when they go out to dinner together.

I'd be interested in your thoughts.



  1. I really hadn't thought about this before but there is a world of difference at the table when we are with Mollie and when it's just the two of us. Of course the really interesting things we talk about these days I don't want over heard at a restaurant!


  2. I agree with PK! We can't talk about those special private things in public, although it is fun to throw hints at each other. I don't mind a comfortable silence when we're eating out. It beats the chilly silence of having too many unsaid things hanging between you. I'm glad those days are pretty much over! Meow

  3. Hi there,

    I'm new to your blog, so I'll have to catch up.
    But, my Sig O and usually try to read a book together and then discuss it. Maybe it's kind of corny, but I like actively including things to explore together.

    Otherwise, yes there is the silence.


  4. I guess we haven't reached that age. We still have a great many things to say...but then again, we don't have a lot of alone time. I like the book idea JMD.


  5. This might sound like a crazy suggestion but invest in a subscription to the Economist. It's a weekly and brilliant bed time reading (short articles, some of which will even, handily, put you to sleep if the need arises). If you both read that, you will never be short of something interesting to talk about (with each other or with anyone else).

    best, flower

  6. We usually have a lot to say to each other, but silence is comfortable too. What people see and comment on is the connectedness between us. That feels lovely. That is something we had lost, and now have regained in the last 4+ yrs since starting DD.

  7. FD, good post.

    I couldn't image going out to a restaurant and not talking to P We work together all day same office but still have lots to talk about and not just business but as Sara and Meow say, silence is comfortable.
    You will sometimes find us in the evening sitting on the settee together in silence just being close and chilling.


  8. PK: Not surprising that things are different when Molly is with you. And good line that you wouldn't want some of your conversations overheard in a restaurant.

    Meow: Glad to hear the days of chilly silence are over. This lifestyle seems to have done wonders for both of you.

    JMDee: Welcome to my blog. Come back any time and I just checked yours out and enjoyed it. And that's an interesting idea to read a book together and discuss it. Nothing is corny if it works.

    Vows: Good to hear you still have a lot of things to say to each other.

    Flower: The idea of you both reading something -- whether it's the Economist or another publciation -- so you have something to discuss is a good one.

    Sara: It's great that you feel connected. This lifestyle probably helps you feel that way

    Ronnie: Congrats that you can work together all day and still have something to talk about.

    And thanks for all the comments. I always enjoy the feedback.

  9. We do chat while we are eating but don't mind silence either. We have been married 26 years and are comfortable together. When the whole family is home for dinner then conversation is quite active. ~N