Saturday, October 3, 2009

Caring Men

In a comment on my most recent post, Sara made the good observation that there are two kinds of men -- selforiented men and caring men.

That made me think that caring men do the little things --like talking to the woman in their life. Women tend to be better at talking about their feelings than men and women sometimes are frustrated that the men in their lives don't talk to them enough.

So I thought I'd ask what our women readers think. Is this a problem for the man in your life or is he good at it?

I happen to like to talk to women because they tend to be better at communicating about the important things in their lives and have interesting conversations.

Your thoughts.



  1. Omega always talks to me but equally important he listens to me as well. He actively listens, which to me means he takes in every word. He doesn't usually say a lot, but just lets me talk. If I start to ramble or babble, he slowly brings me back around to the topic.

    I love it.


  2. I would agree with Sara, there are two kinds of men.
    Sadly my husband is of the self oriented lot.
    I don't think it always means he doesn't care.. but then again, how else can one take it?

  3. Some people that know Nick only casually don't think he talks much at all. We didn't used to talk very much before I came out. But since then we talk a lot. Sometimes I communicate better by writting and that's okay with him too.

    Men and women are very different in how we communicate however. I might write him a 2 page email and he might answer with two lines. But very often those two lines are powerful and mean a great deal to me.


  4. I am with mouse on this one. Aeon talks and listens. He wants to know whats going on in my life and shares about his own. I love to listen to the sound of his voice. The subtle inflections.

    Well that is something for another day and time.

    I loved the question FD very thought provoking.

  5. The Handyman is not very good at communicating his feelings verbally, then once in a blue moon he surprises me and makes my day.


  6. FD, I have been thinking about this. You know, although my husband has always had a huge heart, my view of him 20 yrs ago and now are very different. I am sure he is more giving, as he is older and more self assured. But I also thing I give a whole lot more than I did years ago. As I have become more open and more vulnerable, he has become more caring and attentive.

    Sometimes we communicate to our men that we don't need them, even though we do. Then we don't understand why they stand back. We've come a long way baby! :)

  7. Mouse: You're fortunate that Omega not only talks to you, but he listens to you. I think that is really important in a good relationship.

    Nancy: Sorry that your husband is in the self oriented category. Maybe you could start some communication with him on how you perceive him and how he could a better job of meeting your needs.

    PK: Yes, men and women communicate in different ways and it's good that his two lines can mean so much to you.

    Angel: I'm glad you found the topic thought provoking and it's great that Aeon interacts with you so well and wants to know what is going on in your life and wants to share his life. I bet that makes for a better relationship for boht of you.

    Kitten: Good to see that Handyman will make your day at least on occasion.

    Sara: As usual, your insights are so valuable. Very good point that when you give him more, he becomes more caring. Sometimes, it takes us a while to learn these lessons and I hope our younger couples can learn from your comments.

    And thanks again to all of you for sharing your thoughts. The great thing about blogging is that I think we can all learn things from the experience of others.


  8. FD, Until you got to know P well you would think he didn't talk a lot. He's a great communicator on most things but it's not so much the talking as he listens, that's important.
    I think as we've grown older together we are more far more open with each other than we were when we first met.

    Sorry so late stopping by, don't think my blog roll is updating correctly.


  9. Hi FD,

    Greg is very much like Ronnie, P. He is quite quiet. I've learned to accept his demeanor and not think his quiet meant my emotional abandonment. Years ago we sat at a restaurant watching a couple the age we are now. I said to him "I hope we never have nothing to say to eachother." Greg said, "Maybe they have nothing to say." That thought was horrifying - LOL

    Well here we are and often our being together feels complete. When he does talk to me is is very direct, loving and firm. He listens to me unlike anyone. His advice is rare but great.

    I have also learned that the after sex talks, after the candles are blown out and the stars are shining in, are some of our best as we drift into sleep :)

  10. KayLynn: That was touching to talk about the good moments when you drift off to sleep.

    And I can relate to being in a restaurant and having little to say but I'm glad to hear that you feel complete when you are together and that he listens to you and that his advice is rare but great.


  11. FD, First i thought the title was "Caning Men" so almost skipped it - I don't want a caning man. I do want (and have) a caring man. He isn't always articulate or verbal but he shows it in his own way. Glad I gave the title a second look (grin)! Meow

  12. Meow: Good to hear he shows he's a caring -- not caning -- man in his own way.