Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Sub as a Boss

This post was suggested by one of the bloggers a while back. She wanted to discuss what kind of a boss that sub women who are bosses or in charge of something as their workplace see themselves as. Is it difficult to make the transition between being a sub at home and a boss at the workplace? And she even brought up the b word (she used the word bitch, not me) and wondered whether the sub women tended to be viewed that way at the workplace.

She also wondered how did they perceive their Dom's style of leadership?

And I'd add if you not a boss and have a woman for a boss, how do you perceive her and do you prefer women or men as bosses?

By the way, if any male subs want to discuss this topic, we'd love your input. Selkie says there are more male subs than female subs but it seems hard to get the male subs to write in Cyberspace, which gives the impression that most subs are women.

Your thoughts?

FD

15 comments:

  1. I am in a position of power at work, and I would say that 95% of the people you asked to describe me would describe me as being a bitch. I may be submissive to my Master, but that doesn't make me submissive to anybody else. I enjoy being in charge and directing people and solving problems and I am good at what I do, but I also do not have much patience and have a really bad temper, so if someone isn't listening or is just being plain stupid, I tend to get a little brusque.

    Our management team is all female, which I don't mind so much, but that's only because I'm on all of their good sides. If you aren't, life can get pretty crummy for you pretty quickly. I think women are a lot more catty about being in charge than men are, and probably let their personal feelings for employees affect their decision making more.

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  2. I tend to be a strong woman with a good deal of responsibility and work with mostly men. I am mostly dominate career wise which is why I have a difficult time submitting to just anyone. I need to have my Dom even more successful career wise and able to put me in my happy place.

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  3. I am considered intimidating by my co-workers, even those who know me well. They are fine with it now, and we joke about it. My former boss couldn't get along with me, and my workmates told me she was intimidated by me and so translated it as agression. I really am subby underneath, and pretty much do what anyone wants, but being smart is threatening, it seems.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  4. When I was a Police Officer I worked in a male dominated field. Yet, at the same time, I also held a position of power and was considered an equal. I have also owned and ran several businesses with male employees. I am one of those people that don't have an issue turning the switch either way. I can lead or submit. You can lead effectively without being a bitch. I learned long ago how to read my employees. I could stroke their ego's in a way to get them to do anything, and do it happily. Good question FD.

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  5. TrueBlue: I have trouble imagining you as a bitch, but it's interesting that you like to be in charge even though you love being a sub, too. You sound like Lisa in my Training Lisa series, which I promise I'm going to update soon. And I wonder if other women agree that women women tend to be catty and let their personal feelings affect their decision making. I wonder if some male bosses are affected by how good-looking their female employees are.

    Complicated Kitten: Interesting that you want a dom to be even more successful in his career than you are. I think as women climb the career ladder the pool of men who are more accomplished than they are tends to shrink.

    Hermione: I happen to love smart women because I actually like to talk to women and smart women are more interesting. But I think you're right that smart can be threatening to some men. I find it sad that some smart women hide how smart they are because of that perception.

    FD

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  6. Not My Original Vows: You sound like you knew how to be a good boss without being a bitch by stroking egos and getting them to do what you wanted them to. And yet you're still able to turn the switch and submit as well as lead. Congrats, you seem to have it all together.

    FD

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  7. FD, I am the boss at work and not at home. It works. I have been told I am intimidating, but have NEVER been a B at work. I just don't see that as any kind of real leadership, to be nasty or mean. Being a good leader requires more self discipline than that. In truth, I think my role at home and my understanding of power dynamics has greatly enhanced my abilities to be a good boss.

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  8. I have different roles for different parts of my job, one is a position of authority, one not. It's not a typical "boss" position though, it is teaching (adults), which I thoroughly enjoy. I have been told that I am intimidating, which always surprises me given my size and the fact that I never feel intimidating. I typically have no trouble switching gears into the "authority" mode, but do sometimes trip up moving back.

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  9. If all women are not submissive by nature it would seem to me that it would be difficult to tie the undesirable characteristics of a female boss to her submission outside of the workplace.

    There seems to be a tendency inside ttwd to tag tough female bosses with the lable 'b' while accepting the same or worse behavior from men. That seems unfair.

    As a boss I've always felt my style was inclusive, however, I have been called a 'b' more than once.

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  10. I have high standards for myself and hold my staff to the same high standards. I think that a sub -- who chooses submission/discipline -- knows that people are able to do anything they put their minds to -- and can and will expect it from them.

    My staff? They think I'm funny, calm, fair -- but they think I'm a stickler for the rules (because I am) -- They also think I'm stodgy, old fashioned and I imagine the think I'm frigid (LOL).

    My Dom's leadership style? I can't speak for how he is at work -- but with me -- he's calm -- but clear about what he wants -- if I wander off track -- he let's me know right away. It's the sort of leader I like to be -- and the kind of leader I expect.

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  11. i am not currently in a leadership position at work, but i have worked as a director of nursing in more than one facility. There were those who considered me a bitch (usually people who didn't do their job) but there were also people who cried when i left. My staff knew i wouldn't ask them to do anything that i wouldn't do, and many days i worked right beside them to get the job done. As far as being a boss and being a sub, there were times when my work life would intrude on my personal life, usually when i was called at home to solve some crisis, but usually my long drive to and from work provided me with the time i needed to transition from one role to the other.

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  12. like CD, one of the most irritating things I find is that what is considered "forceful, decisive and strong" in a man suddenly becomes "bitchiness" in a female. The reality is there, uncontrovertible.

    I think for me, the most salient point is that a submissive is submissive TO a certain individual, not to the entire world! Nor do most submissives assume because the individual has a penis he automatically somehow has some control or authority over her.

    Something else to consider; many submissives need excellent people skills, incredible organizing skills, the ability to anticipate and perform - all desirable charactistics in a submissive and admirable and effective characteristics in a boss.

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  13. I agree with what seems to be the general consensus here, submissive is not something a person is, it is a choice they make within a relationship that supports that kind of behavior. There certainly may be a propensity toward submissiveness, but it takes a strong and capable person to trust and turn over their power and choice to another.
    I think a persons working authority, stature and personal style might be influenced by one of more leanings, but those again are choices the person makes and applies. I am not uncontrollably a good boss, in spite of myself, just because I am a kind dom.

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  14. Sara: Interesting that your role at home helps you to be a better boss

    CD and Selkie: I know it's unfair that a male and female boss can act the same way and a male boss is praised for being a take charge guy and a female boss is called a bitch. And I think you're right that a sub is a sub to an individual and that a sub's people skills help to make her a good boss.

    Striving: You also sound like being a sub has given you the skills to be a better boss.

    Greengirl: Interesting that you sometimes trip up when moving back to the sub role after being in charge at work but you have no problem going the other way.

    Cinderelli: I think people respect a boss who wouldn't ask them to do something they wouldn't do. And the fact that some people cried when you left shows you did succeed.

    David: I don't think that being a sub is a choice. Granted, a sub chooses her Master and as Selkie said, a sub is a sub to just one individual. But I think if you're not hard wired to be a sub in the first place that it's not easy to chose to be one although the right dom might push her to embrace the role. And while a person's style on the job can be influenced by many factors, I think the kind of boss they are also tends to be hard wired in their personality. Just my view.

    And thanks for all the comments and it's obvious we have some high achievers in the blogging world.

    FD

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  15. I don't think there are more male subs than female subs... I think that because of todays culture and the whole women's lib thing, more women try to hide their submissive side because it makes them appear weak. Especially if they're trying to make it "in a man's world" so to speak.

    spirited

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