One of our new bloggers posted today that she is about to become the breadwinner in the family and she may find it difficult to come home and have her husband put the dinner on the table and yet still be in control.
Yet she says with the stresses at work, she may need more than ever to submit. Yet they're also new at TTWD so it may be somewhat confusing.
So I thought I'd ask our readers for their take on this. Do any of you have first-hand knowledge of being the breadwinner and yet submitting?
I think many women are take charge types on the job and yet like to submit at home. It's the premise for my Lisa series. Now it may be different if the husband is staying home but I think they can make it work but I thought I'd ask for some advice from our readers.
Your thoughts?
FD
Virtue
1 hour ago
FD send your newer gal over to read at my blog. It's not something I talk about , but I am an example of a woman who is and has been "the bread winner", who is the submissive partner at home. I am also the boss at work. As it happens, my husband was also a chef and loves to cook, and so he does most of that too. Now he DOES have a career, and very flexible hours, but if you are counting # of $s then I am the breadwinner. I often am lucky enough to come home to a beautiful dinner on the table.
ReplyDeleteWhen this shift happened about 10 yrs ago for us, even before Dd, it caused us to look at our core values. Is a person, man or woman, worthy of respect according to the amt of $ they earn? Does the power in the relationship relate to the earnings? Many people do falsely equate money with power, but if you think about, really, $ is only $.
My husband is dominant because he is. My husband is the HoH because we agreed to that, because it works for us. We don't divide up whom does what, earns what, thus gets to be the HoH that week. We are a team and we both do the best we can for each other and our family, and the power dynamic stands apart from any external factors such as income or who did the dishes.
FD send your newer gal over to read at my blog. It's not something I talk about , but I am an example of a woman who is and has been "the bread winner", who is the submissive partner at home. I am also the boss at work. As it happens, my husband was also a chef and loves to cook, and so he does most of that too. Now he DOES have a career, and very flexible hours, but if you are counting # of $s then I am the breadwinner. I often am lucky enough to come home to a beautiful dinner on the table.
ReplyDeleteWhen this shift happened about 10 yrs ago for us, even before Dd, it caused us to look at our core values. Is a person, man or woman, worthy of respect according to the amt of $ they earn? Does the power in the relationship relate to the earnings? Many people do falsely equate money with power, but if you think about, really, $ is only $.
My husband is dominant because he is. My husband is the HoH because we agreed to that, because it works for us. We don't divide up whom does what, earns what, thus gets to be the HoH that week. We are a team and we both do the best we can for each other and our family, and the power dynamic stands apart from any external factors such as income or who did the dishes.
I guess I can say that I'm the primary wage earner, and Ron does most of the housework, but that does not impact our dominant and submissive roles whatsoever. We mutually agreed upon having things the way they are, and believe me, Ron is always dominant, even when he's doing the dusting!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Hermione
I think Sara made a very good point. Money is just money. I am glad, though, that Daddy is our breadwinner and I get to stay home and take care of things for him. But that's just because that arrangement is what works best for us, for many reasons besides just the DD thing. I can still relate to the difficulty of switching roles, though. Going from submissive to stern Mom in under 60 seconds feels kind of odd sometimes!
ReplyDeleteYep I know all about this. Nick lost his job about 6 months after we started all this. Although we aren't purely dom/sub my biggest concern wasn't that I wouldn't feel like submitting but that he was feeling bad. We had been married long enough that it never really became an issue.
ReplyDeleteOnly change we made was that I asked if he would mind writing the checks and paying all the bills. Even after 23 years we still had things we each took responsibility for paying. My worry was that Nick would need to come to me for 'pocket money' and I didn't want that to happen. By being in charge of all the money he could get out all he needed.
He put me through college - we're a couple who makes the most money will never matter to us.
Hugs,
PK
Hi FD, Thanks for doing this, it's very interesting to hear people's responses to our dilemma. i just wanted to say though that it isn't the 'fact' of who's earning the money that i see a potential problem with, like PK my Sir supported me through college- we are a team where finances are concerned.
ReplyDeletemy concern is more about the day to day practicality i guess. Where i'm a SAHM i have a fair amount of headspace to focus on Him and can prepare myself for His return homa and carry out duties or orders during the day.
my career, requires me to be fairly Domme i guess and also pretty focused, so i'm going to have to learn how to transition that when i return home to Him. i'm also going to have work to do at home many evenings.
Hope that explains it a bit better- my submission is definitely not based on the fact that He earns the money.
My submission is with my lover, not my H. My H is an exec/alpha at work, and therefore has no desire for it at home. I am alpha at work as well, so I submit with my lover in the bedroom. I have found that I need it. Had I been able to have that kind of sexual relationship with my H, I am fairly certain things would have been different (dating back many years). It simply isn't possible.
ReplyDeleteshorn doesn't have time for a long reply, but when shorn's husband first collared shorn, shorn was making the money and he was just starting a business.
ReplyDeleteIt never crossed our minds to worry about it. If shorn's career had stayed on track shorn would still be making more, he is growing his business and doesn't draw much. shorn just grew deeper into the joys of slavery.
shorn
sexy slutty slave
Sara: You're an example of how it can work to be the breadwinner at work and submissive at home.
ReplyDeleteHermione: If he can be a dom while doing the dusting, that shows the D/s thing can work even if the sub is the breadwinner.
Little Butterfly: What counts most if that your arrangement works best for the two of you.
PK: It's good for your relationship that who makes the most money doesn't matter. And you were very thoughtful when you had him pay the bills when he was unemployed.
D's s: thanks for the explanation that your concern is not the money but making the transition from being a domme at work to coming home and being a sub. Hopefully, you will be able to deal with that transition the way some of the other bloggers have.
CW: Good to see you found a way to get your submissive needs met.
shorn: Good to hear you're savoring the joys of slavery and that money isn't a factor.
FD