Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Genderless Baby

You may have heard about the Canadian couple who sent out birth announcements on the arrival of their baby but said they weren't revealing the sex of the baby at the present time. This resulted in the four-month old baby to be called the genderless baby and provoked a storm of controversy.

Well, now the mother of the baby has written a letter to a newspaper explaining their decision. They have two other kids and one of them is a five year old who likes "bright colors (especially pink) and lots of fabric (especially dresses). And he wanted to grow his hair.'' Meanwhile, the boy got pressure from his peer group to "act more like a boy.'' But she said the boy remained committed to his own style.

So when she became pregnant, the boy began asking questions about how the baby would be treated if the baby would like to wear pink one day (assuming the baby is a boy).

So they decided not to reveal the gender until the baby decides what gender the baby is. "Some day soon, Storm will have something to say about it, so in the meantime, I'm just listening carefully,'' the mother said.

There's also the issue of men who like to wear women's clothes but don't consider themselves women. Sex can be so very complicated.

I still don't agree with the decision, but at least I can understand the reasoning now. It is true that kids who have the genitals of one sex but in their minds are the opposite sex can have a difficult time growing up. But I don't think this is the way to deal with it, especially if the baby turns out to be the same gender as the genitals and it turns out to be no issue at all.

What do you think?

FD
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15 comments:

  1. AmberMay 31, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    I don't see how this could do anything but fuck up that baby. I mean, the parents - the people who have the most influence over the child and most contribute to a child's gender views - DO know the gender of the baby. But the PRESS and public at large don't know, making him/her essentially a circus freak. We'll just file this under bang-your-head-into-the-wall-until-you-stop-caring-or-lose-consciousness-whichever-comes-first.

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  2. nbsMay 31, 2011 at 6:46 PM

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  3. Florida DomMay 31, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    Anber: I think you described the situation very well.

    FD

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  4. JenMay 31, 2011 at 7:18 PM

    I think forcing ambiguity on a child is JUST as harmful as pushing ANY gender role on them.

    Did you read the part about Storm's brother Jazz. He WANTS to be a boy, with boy stuff, and hair cut short...but nope!

    I wanna hug that poor little guy.

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  5. sinMay 31, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    I agree it's strange, and a media circus, though I don't think the parents went looking for that. I also think that while it's okay for them to let the older boy dress as he likes (though gosh I would struggle with that!) I don't think they should impose gender weirdness on the baby. Let him or her figure it out but starting from knowint whether they are a boy or girl.

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  6. AnonymousMay 31, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    Thankfully children are resilient. I think as long as the child is otherwise loved and cared for, he/she/etc will grow up alright. And maybe even forgive the parents one day;)

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  7. Brittany LynnJune 1, 2011 at 1:45 AM

    I don't really see the fuss... Lot's of people choose not to tell everyone their baby's sex until its born. Sounds like they're simply not going to push gender roles on their kids.

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  8. VelvetJune 1, 2011 at 3:07 AM

    I disagree that the parents have the most influence over the child. Families don't live in bubbles, they are part of a wider social setting. For example, if they go to a baby store they will find ranges of 'girls' clothes, and 'boys clothes' which will reinforce gender from day one. I remember reading an article about a family, when I was a psychology student, where they had tried to bring their child up without stereotypical gender roles. Whilst they could manage this whilst their child was in the home sooner or later she came in contact with the gender stereo typing that is embedded in society. In the article I read the child had a very feminine name, was a girl and society had expectations of how she should behave (toys, clothing, behaviour etc). I think it is unethical to make any child the basis of a social experiment, but I can see that by revealing the gender of the child the flood gates of stereotyping are opened. Perhaps we need to look at why we, as a culture, gender stereotype, before critisising this family?

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  9. perfect71psJune 1, 2011 at 4:10 AM

    Obviously I think people should be able to wear what they like.

    Do you have a link to the story? In the meantime I agree with Mockingbird and Velvet.

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  10. Florida DomJune 1, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    Thanks for all your comments. It certainly is a topic that generated many varying opinions. Instead of a link, just google "genderless baby" and you will get dozens of stories.

    Btw, the mother claimed the five-year-old wanted to wear pink and it wasn't anything they pushed on him. And it would be a good thing if our society was more open to differing lifestyles instead of trying to put people in boxes. Meanwhile, I think nature often trumps nurture. I think if you give a two year old girl a fire truck and a two year old boy a doll, it won't be long before they have traded them. Unless the two year old boy likes dolls.

    FD

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  11. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    As with so many of these types of spectacular stories, I don't understand the parents' decision, and I don't understand all the attention it has garnered. Still, I love a good scandal.

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  12. selkieJune 1, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    As a Canadian in the city where this takes place, I was taken aback at the vitrol which spewed forth on what is ultimately, a PERSONAL decision. Read about these parents - they are not clueless nor are they in any way neglectful - they are caring, they have done their research and they very clearly have the best interests of their kids at heart. WHO the HELL said it was anyone's BUSINESS what gender that child is! The day after, I read an article about how in India the mass slaughter of female infants and the aborting of female fetuses has reached a critical stage so taht the gender imbalance is literally off the chart. Thus following the gender imbalance in China and Pakistan and a few other nations. NOW that is an issue! And you wonder why these parents wnat to do their best to keep the child from being typecast? Theer is no ambiguity at ALL.. the parents KNOW the child's gender, the brothers know the child's gender, eventualy the child will know its own gender. What the hell gives the rest of society the right to dicate that they have to identify it to satisfy some twisted sense of characterizing the CHILD? My son, who came after 2 sisters, wore TONS of pink (not my choice, but that is what people gave me as gifts for the first two so he wore it as there was nothing wrong with the clothing - kids grow ot of it so quick), played with all the toys (which ranged from trucks, dolls, bikes, you name it) and turned out just fine. His younger sister was often mistaken for a boy (as she constantly cut her hair) and had a decided preference for browns and blues while he, with huge green eyes and shoulder length red-gold curls and delicate features was thought to be a girl. He turned out normal as did Kealin - with no confusion about what gender they were - just a little less prejudice and limitations about stupid things like defining a person by a colour or a certain artifact. Ultimately the outpouring of anger over this reflects parental insecurity of OTHER people in my opinoin.

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  13. ReaperscreatureJune 1, 2011 at 11:08 PM

    i agree largely with Velvet and selkie.

    Gender is an imposed ideal by society. If a boy and a girl grew up in a house where there were an equal amount of fire-engines and dollies, they would each play with both as long as no one told them which ones to play with. After all, we are the ones who *teach* children to play with toys, which toys are fun to play with and which ones are "gender appropriate."

    i expect that Storm will grow up to be as well (if not better) adjusted as the "average" child of the generation.

    i'm sorry that the news has made a huge stink of this, as they're just largely exacerbating the gender issue, our perception of gender and making life difficult for the family.

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  14. AnonymousJune 2, 2011 at 12:00 AM

    My question is this: if they are so concerned about the preconceived notions of society, then why did they name the child 'Storm'?

    Names are powerful things and yes, society reacts to children based on their names. Some cultures refuse to name children until their personality has developed without bias.

    Storms are harsh and destructive. Why give a child such a moniker when the whole point of keeping the gender quiet is to STOP the judgments of society? Seems to contradict the whole 'experiment'.

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  15. Florida DomJune 2, 2011 at 9:42 AM

    Dannah: Good point.

    FD

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