I'm fortunate to get so many interesting comments on my posts and I wanted to highlight one I got on my last "Stay or Leave'' post about how politicians' wives react when they get caught cheating and especially when they have a baby with the other woman.
Doll wrote the following, "My mother adopted my father's love child. They are going to celebrate their golden wedding in July and my sister is the joy of both their lives. There were a couple of hard years for my mother as she looked judgmental people in the eye and then it became a non issue. She felt she had far too much investment in the relationship to walk away from it. Certainly that is worth thinking about as she has not spent the latter years of her life as a single woman on reduced income but as part of a couple in very comfortable circumstances.''
Her decision reminds me of the late Ann Landers, who used to write, "Are you better off with him or without him?''
Doll's mother decided she was better off with him. Doll didn't write how her life was impacted by all this, but her mother kept the family together. Too bad Doll doesn't seem to have a blog.
Don't know how many women could have done the same thing,but it worked out for her.
Your thoughts?
FD
Virtue
1 hour ago
Seeing things in black and white is fun when you're young, but part of growing up is to see the grays. My friend Vin said, "black and white is for YA readers and voters."
ReplyDeleteI always said that if my husband ever cheated, then I'd walk. It hasn't been tested, but honestly, I'm not so sure anymore. It wouldn't be pretty, that much I am sure about.
But I've been wrong before. Things I thought I wouldn't accept, I've accepted, both in our relationship and in other things. When you're actually faced with the situation, you have to do what is right for you, regardless of what other people think, or what your naive self might have thought.
Life is about making it work and being happy, not about following pointless rules. Those rules aren't going to keep you warm, help you raise your children, or love you. Self-righteousness is a cold, bitter companion.
Amber: Thanks for sharing your insights. How true it is that there are a lot of grays in life. And your comment that self-righteousness is a cold, bitter companion is worth a lot of thought. Life is certainly complicated.
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My relationship with him isn't based on perfect fidelity. It's based on love and passion and shared history and interests. Yes, I would get my feelings hurt. I'd probably want to hurt him back. I'm not a saint. But I think unless he wanted to end our relationship I would just go on. I think... Good question though.
ReplyDeleteSin: Thanks for your thoughts. It is good your relationship is built on love and passion and shared history and interests. That is a positive to have those things you share.
ReplyDeleteFD
FD,
ReplyDeleteI like Ambers comment about self righteousness too.
I was 14 and very glad that my parents were staying together once the shock passed. It was embarrassing explaining where she came from and it might have been more acceptable to everyone if she was mine. I loved having a baby to play with and think it helped me when I eventually had my own babies. In retrospect it probably fueled in me a belief that men will always play away and only the foolish get caught. Certainly the ongoing revelations in the press about famous men never led me to alter my conviction.
Doll: Since you don't have a blog and so there was no way to contact you, I was hoping you would stop by and explain what happened. It is nice that it worked out well for you and that having a baby to play with helped you you raise your own babies. I guess what was unusual about all this is that the mother apparently didn't want to keep the baby.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your comment that men will always play and only the foolish get caught, I think that powerful men and rich men play because women are attracted to their power and money and it is easy for them to cheat. I don't know whether the man in your life has played, but I don't think the average middle class male plays that much. He tends to work long hours and simply doesn't have the time to invest in playing. I may be naive about this but of the men I know well, none of them play.
Also, Doll interesting that you were glad your parents stayed together. There is much debate about whether kids are better if the parents stay together or not. It probably is a case by case basis.
Anyway, Doll, thanks for stopping by again and sharing.
FD
FD,
ReplyDeletethe mother was a strict catholic. She hoped the baby would induce my father to leave my mother. When he didn't rather than be a single parent they negotiated what they thought was the best option. I believe it was for everyone concerned.
Doll: Being a strict Catholic (I was raised one but am not strict), had to make it more difficult for your mother, but that was a very mature thing for both of them to do to negotiate the best option. You had to be proud of them.
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