Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Bad Boys

I don't know if any of you read gossip columnist Liz Smith but I thought I'd share something she wrote this morning.

She wrote, "Last week, I had some unusual encounters with and about men. This male dominated excitement doesn't often occur for a woman my age, but then, I've always been lucky in life.''

She then said she was on NPR with two other women for a show called the Wow Effect.

She wrote, "What the three of us talked about was -- men, in all of their glory and disarray and whether or not we should want to change them. Is the bad boy type of man a life necessity? Can he be tamed? Should he be?"

They then talked about Tiger Woods and one of the women said if Tiger had been a basketball player instead of a golfer, "nobody would even flinch.'' But then he wouldn't be Tiger.

Liz then wrote, "Male faithfulness is a rare event and male ascendancy over females has never been 50-50 and may never be.''

She wound it up by saying, "I guess I concluded by saying I like men, even badly behaved men, and my feelling is to let them be themselves and, as a woman, to just rise above it. What I am saying, I guess, is let the Tigers and Charlie Sheens and Mel Gibsons guys struggle with their own demons.''

I was kind of surprised by these comments. Male faithfulness may be a rare event in show biz and sports, but I don't think it is rare for most men. And while the Tigers struggle with their demons, they can cause a lot of damage to the women in their lives. And bad boys might be exciting but I don't know that they make good life partners.

I thought it'd be interesting to get the reaction of the bloggers out there.

Your thoughts?



  1. Oh FD, at the risk of sounding like an old fashioned stick in the mud....I like a "bad boy" as much as the next gal :) but "bad" and unfaithful are two very different things in my book!

    "Can a man be tamed?" Yes, but then I don't want that one!

    What she is missing, which is sad, is that there ARE men who are themselves, untamed, who give their heart and faithfulness to one woman of their own volition. They are not tamed but self controlled and committed. They choose to make a particular kind of marriage and they play by their own rules. I am lucky enough to be loved by one.

  2. I hope Tiger, Charlie and Mel aren't the norm of this world. Maybe we should be talking more about faithfulness and good marriages and less about those who give marriage a bad name.

    Wouldn't the world be a nicer place if we turned on the news and heard nothing but positive for once but I guess positive doesn't sell. That says a lot about the state of our world today. Kind of sad.

    There are so many times I wish I could tell people how incredible TTWD is and how it can improve marriages. Funny that divorce was so much lower when men were in charge and women followed their lead. Like Sara I guess I am old fashioned as well.

  3. I agree with you, FD. I really don't think male unfaithfulness is that common among the average joe population. What I do think is that fame and fortune will lead even the most upright of men astray. I don't honestly think that Tiger Woods is a bad man. I think he's a good man who got probably started to feel like he was invulnerable because of his talent, money, etc.

    And re Janet's comment, divorce rates weren't lower when men were "in charge" because they were somehow holding things together, but more likely because it was difficult for women to initiate divorce proceedings. I'd rather see a higher divorce rate than women trapped in bad marriages by controlling husbands. There's a difference between good dominant men and men who think they should be in charge because they're the men, gosh darn it, and a woman's place is in the kitchen, not making important decisions. :)

  4. If by bad boys you mean guys that dress outrageously, use bad language, and pass gas in church, I think they probably wear pretty thin on everyone.

    I really like Sara's definition of an untamed man who keeps himself under control. And I've often wondered if women knew just how hard we men work to keep ourselves under control.

    Finally, I have loved one woman, and one woman all my life. My father used to say, "it's not hard to sleep with many women, son. It's hard not to." I think there are more people who value monogomy than not.

  5. Sara: Sounds like you were fortunate to find each other and that your untamed man is perfect for you. Reading your blog, I always felt you make a great couple.

    Janet: I agree that TTWD can improve a marriage. As far as divorce rates go, so many factors go into divorce that I don't know how to judge that. But I kind of agree with TrueBlue that some women may have felt trapped in the past. I've heard women initiate divorce more than men do these days but don't know if it's true.

    TubeBlue: You continue to sound wise beyond your years. Yes, fame and fortune can change people. As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, the rich are different than you and me. And how true that there is a difference a good dominant man and a controlling man who wants the wife in the kitchen.

    Mick: Congrats on being a one woman man and your wife must love that she's that one woman.


  6. thanks for stopping by my bloggy place. come again :)

  7. I don't believe all men act that way or have thoughts like those. At least, I hope not. The men in my family and most of the men I know would never, ever dream of hurting or disrespecting their wives and marriages like that.

    I think there is something initially very attractive about bad boys. But after being involved with bad boys in my past, a guy like that is the absolute last thing I want. Fun, yes; open to new things, yes; but more than anything else I want a guy who just adores me. I'm the kind of girl that throws her whole heart and soul into any kind of relationship, and if my partner betrays me or cheats on me, well... it's just about the most awful thing that could happen!

  8. I have no idea how much of the male population is or isn't faithful - but - to join the greek chorus - I am very fortunate to be married to one of the "is" types. I think that a certain portion of women are also prone to this kind of bad behaviour - it just looks different among females. And maybe thre is a link - the part of us that wants to be dominated now may be the very same part that was attracted to the bad boys in high school - we've just matured enough to figure out what aspect of that we had been attracted to in the first place.

  9. Barefoot: Thanks for stopping by and I hope you will return again. I enjoyed my visit to your blog and plan to return.

    Maggie: You seem to have the right priorities.

    greengirl: Good point that the bad boys may seem attractive to part of you in high school but not once you're a mature woman.


  10. I must say that in a non- famous/ regular world scenario I think women are close to as likely cheating as men.
    I also believe you should not be out to change a person because you cannot change them at their core (although you may be able to influence an already existant portion of them to be brought out- the better or the worse).
    I think it takes a certain type of woman to be so forgiving as stated in this case.

  11. Viemoira: Yes, it probably does take a certain type of woman to be forgiving. Each woman in situations like that have to make their own decisions.