Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sex Slave

Did that title get you to click on my blog?

Well, that was a sneaky way to get attention. This blog isn't really about being a sex slave. It is about the empty next syndrome.

The sex slave bit was a reference to Finding Sara's blog (findingsara.wordpress.com) in which she was lamenting the onset of the empty nest syndrome and wondering what she would do and her husband jokingly (I think jokingly) said, "You can be my sex slave.''

Anyway, I commented that I thought she would enjoy the empty nest years and the privacy that comes with them. And the fact that it would likely lead to the grandchildren years.

So I thought I'd ask bloggers their thoughts on the empty nest syndrome. Have you experienced them yet? Are you looking forward to them? Or not?

Of course, mothers never stop being mothers. I was home for a visit last week and I could only drag my 92-year-old mother out to a restaurant once. She insisted on cooking some of my favorite meals andsome of my favorite desserts when I should have been cooking for her. And I put on about five pounds. Once a mother, always a mother.



  1. We've thoroughly enjoyed our empty nest! We love having our kids visit but having our home as our own private space is precious to us. Each stage of our lives has had its own special magic and the empty nest is no exception.

  2. Daddy and I have 10 children and 3 are on their own. We have 7 at home ranging in age from 5-21. It will be years before we have an empty nest, lol!


    P.S. We also have 3, almost 4(grandbaby due end of July) grandchildren.

  3. Coming from the single mother perspective... it was fabulous the day i once again had my own space. When my son announced he was moving out at the ripe old age of 21, i could barely contain my happiness! Of course i love him and worry about him as any mother does (and i am certain that will never end) But to be able to focus on finding the right partner was something i have been looking forward to for years!

  4. My son was away for University - 3 hours away by car - and it was the first time since he was born that we were separated for a long time. And it was all semester - no coming home on the weekends for him!
    He left in August, but in July, Master and I were married. When someone asked me how I was doing with the empty nest, I replied, "Well, I filled it with a husband, didn't I?"
    Son is home again for the summer now, although he's working full time as an intern in his chosen field, so I don't see him much.
    Altogether a strange mixture of emotions though. When he left I was devastated, but elated. Sad but happy. Lonely but free. So much heartache but so much joy.
    Parents need to give themselves permission to enjoy the empty nest, while allowing themselves to feel the sadness. Both emotions are positive and normal, both sides of the spectrum are helpful.
    W/we particularly enjoyed the freedom to walk around the house in whatever state of dress or undress we liked. The freedom to be in whatever space, doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.
    There's a lot more to the whole thing, it's a complex subject, but in general I'd say I'm doing well with it. I will always miss him when he's away, and welcome him home, and will always be proud that he is making his way in the world and has turned out to be a happy, healthy, and well-adjusted person who is able to stand on his own two feet and be a positive contributing force in the world. And that, fortunately, over-rules the little voice in my head that cries "Don't leave me!"

  5. My youngest is one and my oldest is five. No empty nesting for a while! I think I'd miss them way too much when the time comes. Of course, that may change when they're enlisting or heading for college instead of breast feeding!

  6. I have been an empty nester for almost 10 years now - I have a problem with "empty nest" sounds negative...... I know so many women who have a very difficult time with the children leaving the next... however - IF you have spent the entire "mothering" period preparing your children and YOURSELF for adulthood....... then it should be the best time of your life.

    I know I enjoy my girls so much more now that they are independent adults !! (and it doesn't hurt that I have 3 of the cutest grandsons EVER)

    I think it is very important to be happy in your skin...to have YOUR own life outside of motherhood..... so when you finally are alone - to be able to enjoy the freedom that comes with it...........

    I am known to be a weird ole bird........ shrug... Motherhood is all about preparing the baby birds to leave..... and if you do the job right........ then you should be proud...

    just my 2cents on the subject

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  8. Very cute FD! ;) Yes, it's a mixed bag for me. I think part of the process of the transition for me is mourning the loss to be able to embrace the good things coming. Grant and I get away together for extended periods now and enjoy that a lot. I think I will enjoy our nest and I doubt it will ever be completely empty as I am very lucky that my kids live nearby, but there is a feeling of loss as 'the way we were' will never be again. Such is life. Sara

  9. I'm in full agreement with Morningstar. How she wrote has striking similarities to my situation. My girls also been gone about 10 years now, elder one to university where she met her (now) husband. They happily nest about 120 miles from me but we meet up on a regular basis. Younger daughter has her own little nest only 5 minutes drive from me so I see more of her than when she lived at home!

    I didn't fret when first one then the other went. I considered it to be a natural progression for all of us. We're very close to each other without being too reliant emotionally. Although that changes when a crisis ensues of course.

    I like my space now and value it tremendously. It's really love to have 'guests in the nest' for meals, weekends etc, but it ain't half nice when they go!