Thursday, November 17, 2011

Faking Orgasms

I did a post recently on Women and Relationships that included the topic of faking orgasms, especially whether a man could do it. One of our male bloggers (1manview) explained how a guy can do it and you can go back and read the comments if you wish.

Today, though, I would like to discuss women faking it. We know so many women do and they are good at it as Meg Ryan showed in the famous scene in "When Harry Met Sally.'' It is on YouTube if you missed it. She fakes it in a deli because he says women never fake it with him and he can tell the difference. And after she does it, a woman in the deli -- I think in real life it is Billy Crystal's mother -- says, "I'll have what she is having.'''

Anyway, I wanted to ask women how often they fake it and why they fake it. To get it over with? To make the guy feel good about themselves? Because they don't want to admit it is not happening or they are one of those women who don't orgasm easily?

I also wonder if it is more difficult for a women to fake it in a long term relationship when the guy is more familiar with their reactions when they do cum. How can you fake getting wet, for example? Or do too many guys not pay enough attention to what is happening with the women so it is easy to fake.

I hope you will share your thoughts on this topic.



  1. I'll admit it; I have faked before.

    But, I haven't done it in a very, very, very long time (like, 20 years). It was mainly in my newest sexual exploits between the ages of 16-17. Mainly, yes, to make the guy feel like he was hitting the spot. We were both young, and inexperienced, and while I had orgasmed during masturbation plenty, I had no clue how to communicate to my young lover what I needed, and he didn't really know being so young himself. Ironically, I did accidentally orgasm with him twice. And of course, the fooling around always felt nice. It just almost never culminated in orgasm.

    Believe it or not, around the age of 17 when I started dating the guy I ended up marrying and having children with, I decided that I wanted to orgasm for real. I decided not to fake again, that I would only orgasm if it happened for real. At first, I didn't always orgasm altho things felt nice. I DID tell him what was best to get me off, and he wanted to 'know what he was doing', so he was trained well. LOL. And ever since then, even tho it meant sometimes going without orgasm because I was just too tired, I have never faked again. Hadn't needed to. :)


  2. When I've faked orgasms, it's been because the guy is getting close and I'm not close at all. Particularly if I'm just not clicking with the guy, or my mind is elsewhere, so I don't think I even could get there at all.

    Nowadays I am more likely to just say go on without me. Somehow faking it seemed less embarrassing than actually talking about it, which is kinda funny considering you're moaning and everything.

  3. I don't fake orgasm with my husband, he would never allow it. There was a period of time early on in our relationship, when I had flashbacks to my childhood. My husband taught me how to narrow my focus to just the two of us, just his touch and then he gave me bliss. After so many years together it's almost like Pavlov's dogs. I can feel his touch and my focus instantly narrows and I get my reward, over and over again.

  4. I have faked it. I felt bad for the guy and being the pleaser that I am, I wanted him to feel good about his performance.
    I can honestly say since moving from vanilla to Ds I really haven't had to worry about faking orgasms. I usually get more than my share. I also noticed another difference with V & Ds is that I don't have to worry about the man orgasming. For him it's not always about the orgasm like with a V guy.
    Thanks as always for your thoughtful topic.

  5. I am not a woman who fakes her orgasms. For one Master knows my body too well for that to ever take place besides I get the joy of multi orgasms :-)

  6. I fake it with vanilla sometimes mainly because I am bored and he is all into it. If I ever just call stop it is because you are doing something so wrong that there is no hope. I could never fake it with daddy though. He knows me too well.

  7. I don't want to go into a lot of detail, but I find that the worst thing a man can do is tell me he wants me to have orgasms with him, because then I feel obligated and pressured and it makes it very difficult. I would be perfectly content, and enjoy the sex a lot more, if I could be allowed to just enjoy the sex! without some obigatory goal of having an orgasm.

  8. I've faked it before. Not recently. Usually it was to just get things finished. I can be quite content enjoying sex without an orgasm every single time.. and Sir knows that. No pressure from him.. very nice!

  9. I have never faked it, I must admit. I'm not really sure I could fake it and keep a straight face, to be honest. I would be laughing at myself. I've never felt the need to make a man feel more manly. Hey, you got me into bed in the first place, you must have done something right, eh? For me, having an orgasm takes a bit of intimacy. I've never allowed a one night stand to go down on me because I already knew it wouldn't be worth the effort. You may be asking yourself, why have sex at all if you can't cum? Well, it still feels good to be naked with another human, no?

  10. Yes, I've faked it. Mainly to keep the guys ego intact. He might get me right to the edge and for whatever reason, I can't cum. (at that moment.).

    If we have the physical signs, wetness,etc I don't think a guy can tell if we're faking it.

    Can they? Lol

    Great question, FD

    Take care. Sky

  11. This conversation here is reminding me of a question I've always had. I get the impression that sex feels real good to men. But does it actually only feel good at the end for men?

    Men seem not to make much in the way of pleasure sounds during, and since most seem unable to imagine that a woman can enjoy sex without an orgasm, this has led me to wonder if men get no pleasure out of the actual pre-orgasm sex. Is an orgasm for men the culmination of building pleasure (like it is for a woman), or is it just relief from discomfort? I've always heard men talk about how their balls literally hurt if they get real aroused without release, so I can't help but wonder.

  12. I have not faked it in years, but for me, I've become more sexual as I've gotten older and I think I'd almost be pissed at this stage if I didn't reach orgasm as I crave them - quite frequently actually.

    When I was much younger, and had no real experience with knowing how to get to a good orgasm, I would fake it. This was mostly with my ex husband.
    I guess I just felt like I needed to do it so he would not feel bad. He always used to ask if I was about to, or if I had. Sometimes him asking was a turn off in general and I just couldn't get myself there.

    I was over the age of 24 before I had my first real orgasm. I've been experimenting with them (with my current husband and myself) every since then.
    I just can't imagine faking now. I need to have it!! :)

  13. I am very interested in an answer to t1klish's question.

    I fake orgasms. I want to be to be the girl who comes. I'm young, sex still hurts a bit and I don't know what would make it feel better. I can (and do) orgasm on my own, but it's like a completely different body part when he's around. It's frustrating, but i know I will learn.

  14. Anonymous, I can so relate.

    I'm not young, but I had no sex the last twelve years of my marriage, so the first time I had sex with my new man it hurt, a lot, took like ten minutes to even get it in. It's getting easier and better though, so all I can suggest is to keep doing it.

    The other thing about not having sex for those twelve years is that all my sexual pleasure was self-induced. So I'm in the habit of doing exactly the one thing that works the best, and fantasizing about whatever gets me most aroused. These days it's always about my current man, which is actually something new, I used to always fantasize about my favorite celebrity, whoever it was at any given time.

    Anyway, when I'm with my man I can't do it exactly how I would do it alone, and I can't concentrate well enough to get it done well. And just the idea that I have to fantasize about my man while I'm actually with him really bugs me.

    I'd really rather just enjoy the sex, focus on reality, and not worry about trying to have an orgasm.

  15. I have, not in a long time. My partner would say I was too slow and hard to arouse. I came late to orgasms, but late sure is a LOT better than never. abby

  16. To answer part of t1klish's question...I don't know about all men, but I do know about Daddy!

    He's told me that it's incredibly arousing for him when I'm having an orgasm...also I know for a fact :::blush::: that he can get hard just by tasting my juices without me even touching his penis. He's told me that my taste really turns him on and I know he's not lying...the evidence is there in all its glory, lol!

    I think I'm different than some women because I've never masturbated...I've never had to and I really don't even know if I could. I just have no desire to try. In my mind an orgasm has to happen with Daddy. To some that may be weird, but it works for me. I am NOT's a rare day that I don't have an orgasm.

    Oh, I don't fake orgasms either. I sometimes get a bit tense because of the noises in our house from kids, but Daddy is always able to soothe me and make me relax.


  17. I am a man and love it when my wife has orgasms galore -- usually 6 or 7, sometimes more. But I prefer not to orgasm at all. My wife and I are NOT into "denial sex". It is I who does not want to orgasm when I fuck her: because an orgasm for a man means the end of his pleasure. A woman can go on to a second, a third, etc., orgasm. Not so for a man who, after one orgasm, is a dead duck. So I have found a way to keep aroused, and sexed up: by not orgasming. And strangely: after my fucking her without an orgasm (I pull out and I am still hard as rock), I feel as satisfied as if I had had ten orgasms.

  18. Ummm, Kitty, not to burst your bubble, but almost every guy I know gets hard by going down on a girl, that's just how they're wired. No, not all, I'm sure, but most.

    T1klish, that's a good question. Men Ive known enjoy the actual act, but, I think theres some out there who only enjoy the finale. Those are the ones to avoid. Lol. But I'd love to see some kind of poll done to really find out the answer to your question.

  19. Anonymous, maybe I am misunderstanding, you never orgasm? And while I am multi orgasmic, my husband is also, sometimes. We were both pretty blown away the first time that occurred.

    And Kitty either you're not so different or I am too, I never needed to learn how to masturbate either. I actually thought I was the only women who didn't.

  20. faerie,

    I knew I liked you, lol! Thank you for sharing that you don't masturbate, either.

    I'm sure you're like me...very, very satisfied;)!!!


  21. I'm not multi-orgasmic, so when it's over it's over, as far as my arousal. I would need time in between just like a man would. This is one reason (of several) that I had to ask Master NOT to do oral on me and try to make me climax before sex. I want to be aroused for the sex.

    When I was young and first having sexual contact, it was normal for a man to give a woman "foreplay" to try to arouse her so she would agree to sex, and later to get a woman aroused if sex was definitely going to happen. That's what I want. I don't want to be finished before the actual sex even starts.

    I talked to a real life friend about this, and she's the same, once she finishes, she's done, and wants that to happen at the end, just like a man.

  22. Interesting discussion.

    As for the original question, I have faked them, but not for years now...only when I was young, dumb and I guess, not so full of cum. As Amber suggested, I would say a big part of them was when I wasn't even close, but the guy was and I was ready to just say, "enough".

    The one and done discussion got me thinking. I can be like that at times, but usually only during vanilla sex. During D/s I usually can have multi then.

  23. I gave you a Versatile Blogger Award

  24. Never faked it FD..never felt the need to finish it for what ever reason and haven't really cared to massage an ego. In years gone bye ..if i didn't come , well i didn't..and just took care of business myself.
    Gosh that all sounds callous but that,s the bare bones of it.


  25. I don't think I have ever faked an orgasm. They come so easily that even if I am not in the mood they can be teased out of me. The only time I tried to fake an orgasm as part of a game it created a real one.

  26. Just out of curiosity, do you think women that fake it all the time would be included in your blog's regular audience? :-)

    Personally, yes, I think women fake it (and I have too). But it was connected to too much pressure to do it. Sex can be about being close skin-to-skin and that's okay.

    My pet peeve is that when your partner has too fixed of an idea of what is supposed to happen and how you should react to whatever he is doing (mostly picked up from porn actresses imho), that he misses watching YOU because he is so fixed on the show going on in his head. And, honestly, what is sexy or orgasm-inducing about that?