Friday, November 11, 2011

Too Tired for Sex

I found this article on the Huffington Post. Here's the link:

You can read it but the woman in New York City writes she and her husband haven't had sex for a month. They have demanding jobs, two kids and are often too tired for sex. But she likes to flirt. My feeling is that they have their priorities out of order.

Anyway, if you read it, will be interested in your thoughts.



  1. I think there are more couples going through the motions of married life than would admit it. Going for months, sometimes much longer not only without sex but any physical touch at all.

    I think the emotional intimacy is lacking - he goes online and she sorts laundry or lays in bed fantasizing etc. Without a connection outside the bedroom, feeling desire IN the bedroom can be a huge struggle.

    She says she's had affair(s) before. My feeling is she might do it again. She's actively taking steps (lingerie etc) to be prepared "just in case."

    Sex isn't always necessary in a marriage. If there is emotional attachment, imdont think people seek affection elsewhere.

    People have affairs because of the way the other person makes them feel. Sexy, desirable, wanted.

    Just my two cents. And for the record, I am speaking from experience. :). Thanks for sharing an interesting article.

    Take care. Sky

  2. Interesting article, and I think you are right about her. If she use the energy she uses for flirting and wishing for desire from someone else, they should be having a better sexual relation. It's obvious he has turned to porn because he's giving up on having spontaneous sex from her. But he does need to try the date sex. I gave in to it, she loves the attention. it was actually the same attention, but I won't tell her that... But for this couple, they have fallen into a routine, something we humans do. I had similar problems in my marriage. We went through the marriage sex therapy thing. Which taught me, just because you have a license that say you know want you are doing, doesn't mean you do! Our problem was resolved when my spouse thought someone else wanted me. She was taking my love for her for granted, and I wasn't understanding that because she loved me, didn't mean she was on the same sexual page I was on. Once we decided to fix it together, it worked out. We are pretty much opposites sexually, but we mesh well. One more thing, I also know that tired sex sometimes turn into mind blowing sex. So don't pass up on it. We have learned some very creative and very satisfying quickies for those I'm too tired days...

  3. Interesting article, but seems wrong to me on so many levels. She has no problems flirting with other guys and getting turned on by it, but needs wine and fantasies to have satisfying sex with her husband. Couple that with the fact that she admits to a previous affair and is obviously plotting her next one, it seems to me like they have bigger problems then just being to tired.

  4. FD,

    I read the article and honestly, I feel so sorry for her husband.

    There are so many things about their marriage that are totally messed up.


    P.S. It really annoyed me that, even though she'd met the wife of one of the men at work, she was thinking about how she could get the man to sleep with her. She seems to have no regard for possibly breaking up one, maybe two marriages.

  5. Sky: Thanks for your input since you were speaking from experience. Good point about the other person making them feel sexy, desirable and wanted.

    1Manview: Thanks for your input. It's great to hear that you fixed things and, yes, I agree tired sex can become mind blowing sex.

    Faerie: Yes, it does seem they have bigger problems than just being tired.

    Kitty: You made some very good points. It does seem there are many things about their marriage that are totally messed up.


  6. Interesting! There are multiple levels of problems here. The main one is they are so wrapped up in day to day normal life that they forgot one of the most important things...their own relationship. I don't care how busy you are, you have to make time for that and stay connected. If you don't, then you can't be surprised when you drift apart.

    The scenario with her is one I have seen more times than I can count with women. We tend to think of the men being sly and having affairs, but the number of women that are doing it is amazing. Why? It's this lack of attention and connection. She needs the spark, the butterflies, the excitement. She needs to feel sexy, wanted, and needed. She needs to be made to feel special. I'm not excusing her behavior. Just pointing out some of why she is doing this, and that it is not at all uncommon.

    This should be a lesson to men and women alike about being sure to make time for your partner and keep things fresh between you. When you get all you need at home, there is no reason to look elsewhere. I don't care how busy life is, you have to work at your relationships just as you do your job. If you perform on your job like this story indicates about the relationship, then you would be fired, unemployed, and broke. Don't get fired from your relationship for lack of participation.

    Sorry to ramble. Just some thoughts and my two cents.