I've often thought that D/s relationships may have more sizzle than vanilla ones because the rituals like spanking and bondage are like extended foreplay and help keep couples close together. Don't know if this is true but just my theory.
Anyway, here's an article from a book called "Love Illuminated: Exploring Life's Most Mystifying Subject (With the help of 50,000 Strangers).''
The author is the editor of the Modern Love column in the NY Times and 50,000 people have shared their views, mostly on the fading of sizzle through the years.
He has categories of how people deal with this. He starts with what he calls sneakers, often online, but he says that's just a fantasy for most.
Then there are the quashers, who quash unfulfilled desires. They run the gamut from bitterly resigned to appreciatively resigned. The appreciatively resigned seem to be the healthiest and happiest. They dwell not on their marital shortfalls, but count their mutual blessings. They manage to grow together rather than apart.
Then there are the restorers who tend to try to restore things with stuff like date nights, counseling, scheduled sex, 10 for 10s (10 hugs a day of 10 seconds every single day), etc.
Eventually, restorers return to their original and most perplexing question: How much do we have have a right to expect from marriage? Is this simply as good as it gets? And is there a risk in pressing for more you will turn something pretty good into something really bad? Some will take that risk. Others will join the ranks of the appreciatively resigned. They will realize passion does not equal love, and that the loss of one doesn't necessarily mean the loss of the other.
Now here's the article:
I hope you will read the article and give us some insight on your views and how you cope with this in your marriage or relationship. The nice thing about blogging is that we can share our views. I hope you will And if you have managed to retain the sizzle, let us know how you do it.
TMI Tuesday May 30
2 hours ago