Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sex as a weapon

I found the following letter in Dear Abby:

"My wife of 25 years, in an effort to get me to stop smoking, refuses to have sex until I quit. It's been more than a year since we made love. I plan to quit smoking, but not this way. I don't want to think of sex as her weapon, but it is. Any advice on how to cope with my unwinnable battle?''

I think using sex as a weapon is bad enough, but after a year, I don't think she's using it as a weapon. I think she doesn't want to have sex with him.

Anyway, I curious about what you think about using sex as a weapon generally and what this woman is doing as a specific example.

Your thoughts?

FD
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12 comments:

  1. turiyaNovember 20, 2009 at 12:27 AM

    I dunno... to me it's a childish game. I did know a guy that had a similar problem with his live in/long term girlfriend once. She was withholding sex to get him to do something. So he turned around and told her if she was going to continue withholding sex, he'd start getting it elsewhere. Solved that problem real quick! LOL

    spirited

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  2. AnonymousNovember 20, 2009 at 6:45 AM

    Withholding sex has obviously not worked as a motivational tool. Frankly, neither one of them sound very interested in each other. Makes me wonder what their other issues (real ones) are.

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  3. PaulNovember 20, 2009 at 7:13 AM

    FD, I would say that their marriage is rocky to say the least.
    Paul.

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  4. AnonymousNovember 20, 2009 at 10:26 AM

    I agree with Paul. Major power struggle & little support issues here.

    OK so once I joked about this to Greg & he calmly countered with "I can hold out longer than you." So as they say in the 'hood... I got dick! Which poses a question...why does that substitute for the words nothing? Any ideas FD?

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  5. AnonymousNovember 20, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    I think using sex as a weapon is wrong. She is refusing to meet a basic need and your probably right, she may just not want to have sex at all. I agree with everyone else, definately more than one problem in the marriage. How would she feel if he said he would withhold love or support or whatever until she (fill in the blank)?

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  6. oatmeal girlNovember 21, 2009 at 12:09 AM

    It's not just a question of meeting a need. Sex is a way to communicate. Sex is a way to be close. Sex is a form of communion. A whole lot more damage gets done by denying sex that merely forcing the other person to masturbate in secret in the bathroom. A core connection is being destroyed. So yes, there is already something deeply wrong with the marriage.

    Of course, on the on the other hand, there is always the story of Lysistrata...

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  7. AnonymousNovember 21, 2009 at 12:55 AM

    Honestly, I think that even thinking about withholding sex and using it as a weapon (whether male or female) is unconscionable.

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  8. fuckdollNovember 21, 2009 at 8:42 PM

    GRRRRRR..... I hate that. It's the one thing I really hate about women. They not only damage and deny their partner, they are denying themselves and damaging their relationship. They also don't realise they are commodisising their relationship. They would happily look down upon prostitutes, but in fact they are doing the same thing. I will give you sex if you quit smoking, buy me a diamond ring, or take out the trash. Come on girls....bad form!

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  9. turiyaNovember 21, 2009 at 10:12 PM

    Apparently all women do this... and men never do. Hmmmm... LMAO

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  10. nbsNovember 23, 2009 at 8:54 PM

    Hmmm I was going to say.. what..men never do this?!?
    Of course it is wrong and harmful and childish.. but both sexes do this.. just my opinion~

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  11. viemoiraNovember 25, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    i think withholding sex is wrong all together but especially in this case. i have been battling trying to quit smoking off and on for over a year. Just had a relapse after 5 days on my last try which ended yesterday. Sure Sir can pull the reigns and say "No more smoking" but it is an addiction and without the proper help to fight the addiction, quitting can be damaging for some (me). i think using sex as an ultimatum shows the person does not really care about sex with the other person much...

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  12. JadedjewelNovember 27, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    He should tell her "You can't cut me off, you don't know where I'm getting it!"

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