I don't know if any of the bloggers read the magazine Real Simple. Kind of a Chick Mag.
Anyway, I noticed it on the counter the other day and saw a headline on the cover, "What Makes A Marriage Last.''
Inside were six couples married at least 50 years. The most interesting one featured a U.S. Army staff sergeant, 19, seeing a Japanese girl, 17, visiting the mess hall. He said she was the "most beautiful creative I had ever seen.'' He approached her, she wasn't interested and he didn't speak Japanese and she didn't speak English. He pursued her, won her hand and they moved to his hometown and 53 years later, they're still married. She admits she cried a lot at first and his mother (now there's a good mother-in-law) kept her company in the afternoons. They had three kids and now have five grandchildren and she says she has no regrets. "If anything, the time went too fast,''' she said.
The wife of another couple had four months bed rest after tripping and crushing her heel and he went to her favorite restaurant every night and set out the china in their bedroom. "You've got to love someone who goes the whole nine yards,'' she said.
Another couple said they don't argue. "We don't sweat the small stuff,''' she said.
A husband said, "I've never understoood how people abandon each other for no reason other than they're tired of each other. She and I believe, Let's do what's right and good and do it together.''
Another husband said, "The sex part is the big thing when you first get married, but gee whiz! That fades in a hurry. But June and I always felt like partners and friends, and that's themost important thing in any marriage.''
I just thought you might find this interesting although I don't know if many couples would get over the sex part fading in a hurry but I always say it's about what works for any individual couple. Anyway, these six couples found what works for them.
No mention was made of spankings by any of these six couples but I wonder if we could find any spankos together for half a century.
Your thoughts
FD
The Four Questions
21 hours ago
My parents were married for 55 years and Nick's parents are still going strong at 62 years. I don't know if either couple had a secret but I know when they got married they had no doubt it was forever. Not everyone feels that way these days.
ReplyDeleteI don't think spanking can guarantee a long marriage but I bet if it were propely used in the early days of some marriages it could really help!
Hugs,
PK
I am not so sure spanking is any kind of guarantee. I think it has more to do with focus and commitment. When you are determined to make it work, you work harder. In some ways I would think committing to anything the partners really enjoy and then doing it often has to help!
ReplyDeletei think you either find the right person or you dont. you are either looking for a mate, or your soul mate. If you find your soul mate, theres no reason to stray. thats the one who is connnected to you on every possible level. youre either meant to be or youre not. and as far as spankings, if you really love someone, and they want to give or get spankings, the other will happily oblige because thats what makes them happy. making the other one happy.
ReplyDeleteWell as for me personally, My Sir (the Capn) and I have been married for over 28 years now...we have known each other for over 41 years (since we were little kids). We have only ever had about 4 arguments in all these years...don't sweat the small stuff and we communicate with each other about everything so that there are not misunderstandings. And we both allow the other to be what we are without feeling the need to change...that does not mean we do not encourage each other to become better, but we accept everything about the other partner. As for knowing others who have been together longer...I had a great aunt that lived to be 103 years old. She outlived 5 husband, having been married to one of them for over 50 years. And they were Spanko's. Her advice to me when I was a young bride to be....always be honest, respectful and available to your husband but always expect and if necessary demand the same in return. She also said never to use sex as a weapon or to withhold it as any form of punishment...sex was to be often and "with abandon". She was a smart lady.
ReplyDeletehttp://thepinkpoppet.wordpress.com
honestly, its the ability to be flexible and open-minded along with love and communication that keeps a marriage going in my book. Its when you start shutting out the other person in your life, that your life together shuts down.
ReplyDeleteI think that DD has helped a lot of marriages, but I think it's the ideas behind the spankings that are the real reason: valueing, respecting, caring for, supporting, and truly loving your spouse. DD centers these ideas in your heads and helps you hold onto them, remember them, as a team. The discipline part keeps you grounded, reminds you not to be egocentric, and forces you to stand responsible for your choices. All in all, DD helps you build a true bond, a forever kind of marriage where each person's focus is on the well-being and betterment of the other. Whatever lifestyle people may choose, I believe those values and attitudes towards each other must remain constant for a relationship to flourish.
ReplyDeletei love the stories about people who've been married for half a century or more. It really makes me stop and think about what they went through to reach that point. i would just about guarantee that if that generation had placed 'happiness' as the most important factor in life, they wouldn't have made it through the things they went through, and there would be many more failed marriages there too. But they didn't.
ReplyDeleteThey respected commitment, obligation, responsibility, and holding to their word as equally important. In the long run, it ultimately brought them that happiness that us younger generations will forsake everything trying to obtain.
Happiness is, of course, very important. However, i think that many younger generations have set aside all other virtues in place of it, and it isn't working out so well. Those people didn't just throw everything out the window the minute they weren't happy, and i think it confuses a lot of them how we are often so willing to do that.
PK: It sounds like you two have long marriages in your genes. And, yes, spanking earlier in marriage for spankos probably helps. I think the younger generation tends to be more candid early on if they want spankings to be part of the marriage.
ReplyDeleteSara: Good point. I don't know that spanking in itself is any kind of a guarantee. But I think you're right that commiting to anything the partners enjoy and doing it often has to help. I also think spankings tend to bring a closeness to the couples.
whatamithinking: Thanks for commenting and I hope you will return. And you're probably right that you find the right person or you don't. And as far as giving or getting spankings if you really love your partner, it can be an adjustment if the spanko is married to a partner who isn't into spankings.
pinkpoppet: Congrats on being married 28 years. And it sounds like you have a great relationship with your ability to communicate with each other. And that advice you got from your great aunt was dead on about not using sex as a weapon and to do it often and with abandon. How old was she when she told you that? Sounds like a wise wise lady. And imagine being in a spanko relationship for 50 years, that's something. I wonder if back in the day if she ever knew another spanko couple because it was so much more diffiult to find people in the lifestyle before the Internet. Or whether her other husbands were spankos.
sprinkles: Thanks for commenting and I hope you return in the future. You're right that communication is so important.
Butterfly: Your thoughts on how DD can help a marriage were very good. You really have a lot of good insights on the workings of a DD marriage.
Daisy: Your comment about happiness reminds me of a line in the movie "Lovers and other Strangers.'' This son of an Italian patriarch tells his father he's getting a divorce because he's not happy and the father says, "What's happiness got to do with it?'' Yes, happiness is important but there are always going to be ups and downs in a marriage and you have to cope with them. I was at a hotel recently and a wedding was taking place and the glowing couple were posing near the elevator and as I waited for the elevator, I felt like saying, you know this is going to be a lot of hard work. I didn't but relationships do take work and the "happily ever after'' phrase is often misleading. I often think of that when seeing a chick flick when the couple finally gets together at the end. That's really the beginning of their lives together.
I love stories like these! My parents have been together for 37 years this Valentine's Day and are more in love now than ever before. After a period of about ten years of stress and fights, one year ago everything kind of clicked and they began to rediscover each other and fall madly in love once again.
ReplyDeleteI get scared sometimes when I see the divorce rates. The couples in my family have a history of sticking together for better or worse, acting as life partners and true soulmates. The idea of cheating on my husband or giving him anything less than the utmost respect is unthinkable, unfathomable. When I marry him, I'm giving my whole heart and soul to him. He's mine, I'm his, and when problems arise, we owe it to each other to work them out calmly and respectfully I just really, really hope my hubby feels the same way :)
I do feel that involving spanking or DD or anything like that in a marriage can help it last, as long as the foundation of love and trust is already there. The regular reconnection and exploration can only help a marriage, I think.
In my opinion spanking doesn't guarantee having a long marriage (though I am sure it has helped some marriages) It takes commitment,communication and giving. You have to keeping work at it.
ReplyDeleteLove.
Ronnie
xx
Maggie: It sounds like your parents have set a great example for you in making a marriage last.
ReplyDeleteRonnie: You're right that commitment, communication and giving and working at it are all a formula for a successful marriage.