Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wife Doesn't Want Sex

Here's an interesting article about a guy who said their sex life hasn't been the same after their baby arrived. I think couples have to work on keeping their sex life exciting after the baby starts taking up so much of their time. They need couple time.


FD

21 comments:

  1. Interesting article from the man's perspective. Ummm, yes, guilty. The last thing I wanted to do after a day of watching/nursing the baby was to have someone else touching me. Your body has been USED for nine months+ and you ache and don't look the same and hormones, oh my. UGH. It was during this time that I bought a perfectly comfortable red robe that my husband appropriately named the "cock block" because Megan Fox could wear this thing and nobody would touch her. I often wonder if we had ttwd back then if it would have been different. We were mentally so far apart then, it makes me sad, but so happy to see how far we've come. Thank you!

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  2. I believe it's a typical reaction. Wife's are now mothers. Hormones are different, life style has changed. I remember losing my spot on the nipple to our first born. I went through nipple withdrawal after having to go cold turkey on the breast... I still don't know why we couldn't have sex while the baby was sleep in her crib, that she insist be right next to our bed. But hey, the kids are grown and we are still together. Every couple will have some differences, but one thing stays the same, you have to work it out. And sometimes you have to talk to a friend who has experience it, by having several children of their own. Because there is no real answer to the why, just adjust and life will move on more smoothly...

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  3. It makes perfect sense. The wife, now mother, has become fully aware that her vagina is not a "pussy" that exists for fun and pleasure, it's the opening and exit of her reproductive system, and her breasts exist to nurse a baby. Sadly, the only reason humans get horny is to lure us into an act that can cause reproduction of the species. After enough time passes the new mother will probably return to the illusion that her parts are there for fun and start wanting sex again.

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  4. Florida Dom,

    After going through childbirth 8 times and Daddy giving me time off each time, of course, I can see both sides of the coin. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?!

    If I could go back in time, I would have paid more attention to Daddy instead of giving all my devotion to the new baby x 8. I pretty much ignored him until the Dr. said it was okay for sex again, lol! I feel really bad about it now.

    Love,
    Kitty

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  5. I have many friends that stop being a couple after having children. Their focus changes. I think it is incredibly important to put time aside to still be a couple. Unfortunately that seems to be something we don't talk about much. But, I don't have children so who knows how I would be in a similar situation.

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  6. I may want sex once or twice a year. Considering the situation, I think that is generous. For us it didn't have much to do with baby but gave me a great excuse to say NO. I try to say yes but it is hard for me. He can be understanding but does end up hurt sometimes. I really do try. Story time helps and knowing the paddle is sitting by the bed can be a great motivator.

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  7. Yes, I remeber quite well sex being on hold after the babies. I think it took about 6 months for us to get back on track although we never had sex very much anyway. I am not sure how things would play out now.

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  8. Having children didn't really effect my sex drive negatively. After the first I didn't even wait for clearance from the Dr. before we resumed relations. I had a tubal ligation the day after my second was born and it had an almost aphrodisiac effect on me. Since I knew I couldn't get pregnant I wanted to play ALL the time, lol.

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  9. Its an adjustment for everyone, when i had my second child it was a difficult pregnancy and i was diagnosed with post natel depression which put a lot of strain on the relationship.

    Sex was the last thing on my mind i just was not interested, but then i wasnt interested in anything even the baby.

    Having a family does change things its foolish to think it wont, but it doesnt necessarily have to be for the worst, you just have to adapt and be more patient.

    It is important to maintain couple time as much as i think it is important to still have some individual time, its just not as easier or should i say more frequent as it was before......it takes time.

    tori x

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  10. Of course it is an adjustment for any new mother. For me, I think I took about 4 months before I'd want to touch my husband after each child. I didn't want to be touched for longer than that.. but a bj would hold him over for pretty long.

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    2. I haven't had children yet. Still single and free. But my sister has, and every time she had a kid, she would tell me how she hated how none sexy she felt. And how long it took to feel normal again after having the baby.

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  11. Looking back at my marriage I realized that I was guilty of paying more attention to my children. So now I council other women about making sure that they don't make the same mistakes.
    smiles
    butterfly

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  12. SirsButterscotch: It's good to see how far you have come and would have been interesting if things would have been different if you'd had ttwd back then.

    1manview: You have a good philosophy about adjusting and life will move on smoothly.

    Kitty: Yes, hindsight is 20-20.

    Sss: Yes, couple time is very important.

    Dragon'sRose: Good to hear the paddle can be a great motivator. Does that help you to want sex more often?

    dancing: Sorry to hear you never had sex very much anyway back then. And also sorry about the post partum depression. That obviously is difficult to cope with and puts a lot of strain on the relationship.

    faerie: Nice to hear the tubal ligation was almost like an aphrodisiac for you.

    tori: Yes, it does take time. But both couple time and individual time are important.

    nancy: Nice you could please him with a bj when you didn't want to touch him or be touched.

    Poetic: It's nice your sister has given you a heads up if you do have kids. Some women may be surprised at how they feel.

    SBF: Yes, easy for women to give their children more attention that their husband. And it's good that you counsel other women not to make the same mistakes.

    --

    Thanks for all the comments and feel free to add more. This is a topic that obviously resonates with women who've gone through childbirth. I like to find topics that spark good discussions.

    FD

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  13. FD,

    You have a knack for posting great topics for discussions. Keep it up. It's also nice that most all of those who comment do so in a polite and adult manner!

    xox

    Suzanne

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  14. Suzanne: Thank you. And, yes, most of the comments are done in a polite and adult manner and are thought provoking.

    FD

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  15. FD it doesn't make me want it more often but does motivate me to yes more.

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  16. Dragon'sRose: It's good that it motivates you to say yes more, but unfortunate you still don't want it more.

    FD

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  17. Florida Dom,
    I am not a parent; however, after watching my mother raise four children, watching my sisters raise theirs and my brother raise his (my brother is a stay at home dad while my sister in law works) not to mention my many close friends I understand entirely how many women (and some men) are not interested in having sex once they become a parent. I understand this sentiment even more when the parent who stays home rarely receives help from the one who works.

    My mother started working when I was 3 years old. My earliest memories of her go something like this:

    -Up at 5am
    -Making breakfast for husband and 3 children
    -Kissing children goodbye for the day
    -Off and out of the house at 6am to drive 60 minutes into the city (90- 120 minutes in winter conditions)
    -Work from 7am to 5pm
    -Drive home (pick up any quick groceries she might need)
    -Arrive home around 6pm
    -Say hello to kids and husband
    -6:15pm start dinner, straighten up house, do dishes left in sink from family from afternoon
    -6:45pm everyone eats dinner
    -7pm wash dishes, clean table
    -7:15pm start baths, bathe four children (sometimes together other times individually
    -8pm start to put children to bed
    -9pm make lunches for following day
    9:30pm sit down, breathe, speak with husband
    -10pm take something out for dinner following day
    -10:15pm head to bed

    That was generally my mother's schedule during the week. Of course there would be odd things in the middle, meetings with teachers, a play one of us was in to see, costumes to be made and the like. On the weekends she would tend to all the chores such as cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making meals and of course playing with us. I have said it many times, my father was a good provider and a loving dad but as far as husbands go, there was much for him to learn. Now I am aware that he is from a different generation, still I think there are quite a few men who still live in that world and I see more women tending to the home and children and all that time doing "other things" leaves a wife tired and not in the mood for sex at all.

    Of course no two women are the same and there are other reasons why the sex drive falls such as hormones and self esteem issues and I am not speaking on personal experience but rather what I have observed. Still I understand, I greatly understand why some women are just not in the mood to be touched, to participate.

    I wish all mothers and fathers more time with each other - date nights and helping each other out. I think that might help with bringing physical intimacy back into a relationship.

    ~a

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  18. goodgirl: You point out very well how parents can be so busy raising kids that they don't have enough couple time. It is important for a couple to find couple time.

    FD

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