Cheating, sex and marriage

Have you been following the Gov. Sanford's "love story'' in South Carolina?

A politician who cheats has become old hat, but Sanford has added an extra dimension by sounding like a love sick teen-ager. First, there were the emails ("I love your tan lines, I love the curve of your hips, etc.) and then the astounding claim to the AP that the mistress was his soul mate but he was trying to fall back in love with his wife.

What's the reaction in blogger land to that comment? Wouldn't most women have already tossed him out on his ear? Or on some other part of his anatomy?

And could your marriage survive infidelity? The NY Times reported that 78 per cent of men and women whose spouses had affairs stayed married.

The feeling here is that a marriage can survive an affair, but it'd be difficult to overcome Sanford's "soul mate'' line.

And all this led the AP, known for being a very staid just the facts organization, to run a story with the headline, "What is Sex? Americans can't agree.''

It says a 1991 survey showed 37 per cent of women and 44 per cent of men considered oral sex sex.

In 1996, to a question is "oral sex real sex?'' 52 per cent of men said yes and 46 per cent of women said yes.

And remember getting to third base back in the day. The story quoted two Australian sex researchers as saying third base used to be "touching below the waist.'' Now it's oral sex.

One more interesting point is that divorce rates are going down according to a Penn researcher in the NY Times. In the 1970s, 23 per cent of men married 10 years divorced. In the 80s, it was down to 20 per cent and in the 1990s, it was down to 16 per cent. One theory is that because people marry later now, some relationships that would have led to divorce never get to the altar. And in an era when women bring home the bacon and men do housework, the story says "the relationship is less about dividing economic and domestic duties and more about shared interests and mutual happiness.'' One researcher said that, "it might be that those types of matches, people who are more kindred spirits are able to weather a small storm.''

My theory is that another factor is that some of the kids whose parents divorced in the 1970s didn't like it and now that they're married may be more willing to put more effort into sticking around.

Anyway, cheating, sex and marriage are always interesting topics. Your thoughts on them? And is there anyone out there willing to gave Sanford another chance. His wife, who is independently wealthy so she's not dependent on him, hasn't yet, as far as I know, weighed in on the soul mate line and his attempt to fall back in love with her.

What would you say to him?