Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Cheating, sex and marriage

Have you been following the Gov. Sanford's "love story'' in South Carolina?

A politician who cheats has become old hat, but Sanford has added an extra dimension by sounding like a love sick teen-ager. First, there were the emails ("I love your tan lines, I love the curve of your hips, etc.) and then the astounding claim to the AP that the mistress was his soul mate but he was trying to fall back in love with his wife.

What's the reaction in blogger land to that comment? Wouldn't most women have already tossed him out on his ear? Or on some other part of his anatomy?

And could your marriage survive infidelity? The NY Times reported that 78 per cent of men and women whose spouses had affairs stayed married.

The feeling here is that a marriage can survive an affair, but it'd be difficult to overcome Sanford's "soul mate'' line.

And all this led the AP, known for being a very staid just the facts organization, to run a story with the headline, "What is Sex? Americans can't agree.''

It says a 1991 survey showed 37 per cent of women and 44 per cent of men considered oral sex sex.

In 1996, to a question is "oral sex real sex?'' 52 per cent of men said yes and 46 per cent of women said yes.

And remember getting to third base back in the day. The story quoted two Australian sex researchers as saying third base used to be "touching below the waist.'' Now it's oral sex.

One more interesting point is that divorce rates are going down according to a Penn researcher in the NY Times. In the 1970s, 23 per cent of men married 10 years divorced. In the 80s, it was down to 20 per cent and in the 1990s, it was down to 16 per cent. One theory is that because people marry later now, some relationships that would have led to divorce never get to the altar. And in an era when women bring home the bacon and men do housework, the story says "the relationship is less about dividing economic and domestic duties and more about shared interests and mutual happiness.'' One researcher said that, "it might be that those types of matches, people who are more kindred spirits are able to weather a small storm.''

My theory is that another factor is that some of the kids whose parents divorced in the 1970s didn't like it and now that they're married may be more willing to put more effort into sticking around.

Anyway, cheating, sex and marriage are always interesting topics. Your thoughts on them? And is there anyone out there willing to gave Sanford another chance. His wife, who is independently wealthy so she's not dependent on him, hasn't yet, as far as I know, weighed in on the soul mate line and his attempt to fall back in love with her.

What would you say to him?


  1. For me the "soul mate" line is the killer for the marriage. My pride would probably step in and I'd start telling every nasty little secret he ever had. I'd do everything I could to kill his career. OR maybe I'd wimp out and forgive him - jeez, I'm sooo submissive! Seriously, I'd be more offended by the lack of courtesy and respect than the affair. I could forgive a sexual indiscretion easier than his blabbing to everyone about his lack of love for me. Meow PS: good topic

  2. I agree with Meow, a one time indiscretion could be forgiven a lot easier that what he said. FD as I said before "If Nick told me " I really love someone else, she is my soul mate, but I'm going to try to fall back in love with you." he would be throw out with his danglin' bits in a bag!!!!

  3. Meow and PK, I think your reactions are typical of what most women would think of Sanford's Soul Mate, trying to fall back in love line. I still can't believe he said it and I doubt he'll ever live it down. And while I know Nick would never do such a thing, the thought of PK tossing him out with his danglin' bits in a bag should keep him in line. LOL. And we all thought PK was so nice and sweet. And, Meow, I'm glad you liked the topic.

  4. FD,

    Sanford is a skunk. I wouldn't believe another word he says about anything.

    And oral sex definitely counts as sex.


  5. Bonnie: I couldn't agree more with both of your comments. And I can't figure out how anybody can argue oral sex doesn't count as sex.

  6. Florida Dom, my question is, how did someone so dumb get elected, or if it comes to that, married?

  7. Paul, I don't think it's a question of being dumb although he's acting like he is. I think these politicians have huge egos and get a aense of enttlement because they're catered to and decide they can do whatever they want. And since some women are attracted to men who have power, they usually have no problem finding women who will feed their egos.

  8. FD hi,I'm afraid I haven't really been following it but from what I have heard, I would totally agree with Bonnie. I mean just look at him, how on earth would you believe a word he'd say. I think his wife would be a fool to even think of having him back.


  9. Ronnie, I don't know how much coverage this is getting on your side of the pond, but the amazing thing is that the guy can't stop talking. And the more he talks about his "soul mate'' in Argentina, the more he humiliates his wife, who is quite an accomplished woman in her own right. The shame is that they have 20 years of history and four sons together, but it's hard to imagine her taking him back now unless she's a saint at forgiveness.

    And he's become an object of ridicule. A woman NY Times columnist, wrote today after he revealed trysts in NY that the NY hotels needed the business in this recession. If somebody wrote a novel -- or one of my stories -- about this scenario, it would seem far-fetched.

  10. I don't know if I could ever forgive a spouse who announces to the public that the other woman was his soul mate. It is almost worst yet to hear him mention that he might be able to fall back in love with me.... I haven't followed the story very close so I don't really have an opinion. If I were his wife I would have to do some major soul searching before I would allow him back into my good graces.


  11. Kitten: I think your opinion is in the majority. What he said is something no woman wants to hear.

  12. Even before the soul mate comment, when he listed the people he'd hurt most, he said: the woman, Maria, and the people of South Carolina, and his four sons, and his wife. All of my friends pounced on that; EVERYBODY comes first before his family.

    I'm with the columnist who said that taxpayers would happily buy a one way ticket to Argentina for this guy.