Thursday, August 12, 2010

Why Don't More Women Avoid Jerks?

That was a headline that recently caught my eye.

Among the reasons listed:

--Some find them "exciting.'' They like living on the edge.

--When a girl dates a bad boy, it is obviously all on him. She is always the blameless victim who gets sympathy.

--Some women have such low self esteem that they think no man would want them so when one does show interest, they'd rather take the abuse than be alone. And as sick as it sounds, some women believe jealousy and abuse prove the man cares about them.

Ok, those are three theories. Would you like to share your own. And have you ever been attracted to a jerk?



  1. The first man I ever dated was a total jerk. But he could also be very charming and charismatic if he wanted to be. I think I was attracted to the fact that he seemed dark and dangerous. *shrugs* It got old pretty quick.

  2. I've often though young woman with spanko/submissive tendencies could get caught up with guys like this. They are charming at first. Dominant, take charge men. If you have had spanko thought of a strong man taking you in hand, well... like I said if the woman is young she's in before she realized that the guy is a jerk and not a dom that will care for her.

    I had a few crushed on some bad boys myself. There but for the grace of God go I.


  3. I think that sometimes we women are prone to being attracted to jerks because we've perhaps had some bad past experience that makes us believe that we deserve to be treated that way. But what I have seen happen over and over again is once you have one such relationship we women (not all, but many that I have seen) tend to continue on in a pattern of jerks. For some reason we continuously go from one jerk to the next until (hopefully) we meet one nice guy who shows us that not all men are jerks and that we deserve more than that.


  4. Yep, you said it PK! Until I discovered my kinky self I was attracted to bad boy, after bad boy, after bad boy (etc). Turned out what I was looking for subconsciously was a man who would dominate me and hit me! As soon as I realised that, I was able to look for nice guys who hit women consensually for fun!


  5. In the past a 'cocky' man/woman has been my interest. That attitude was a turn-on. But alas, a liar or thief ensued. Once I do see the whites of their lies...I am out of there, no questions.
    I do like that little bit of dominance and take charge in both sexes.

    And I will be damned if a man is going to hit me for any other reason then to spank my ass when he is ramming his cock in me. **wink wink**


  6. Jerks?? I think I've called everybody that at one point of time, although most of them do end up being men. Hmmm I think it's because because because because..... I'm still scratching my head. Maybe they did something good to us in the beginning and we hope that someday the good parts will come back??? or we just have a low self-esteem from prev experiences like Alice mentioned.

  7. Let us not forget the women with the saint calling. It is their duty to save said jerk, regardless of the damage they do to themselves in the process.

    And no, I'm not a saint or martyr.

  8. Women who are attracted to jerks had jerks as fathers or caregivers when they were young. We find comfort in old patterns. Until you become aware of the patterns, you're doomed to repeat them. Which accounts for my first marriage. That dick treated me just like my father treated me. Like shit. But then I realized I deserved better and found my current hubby. But I'm still cleaning out my old friend closet. Talk about jerks. Yikes.

  9. Ahem, some guys are attracted to bad girls. It can be exciting to clash with that kind of personality. It is also a huge, huge mistake.

  10. I think that all three of the reasons you listed are valid. The third would probably be the most true, in my opinion. Women with low self-esteem may give off the "victim" vibe that could attract men that are inherently weak but need to cover their failings by being "the bad boy" or a jerk.

    Attracted to one? I married one.

  11. I think it's because jerks/bad boys usually are quite confident in themselves, sometimes to the point of arrogance. Confidence is super hot, and it's incredibly fascinating to be with someone like that.

  12. I'm with Richard and Sky. Jerkness is easily mistaken for confidence when we're young. But - god knows - there's kink in there too.

  13. Heather: Yes, total jerks can be charming at first.

    PK: Glad they were only crushes.

    Alice: Hope women eventually realize they deserve btter than jerks.

    J: Glad you were able to look for the nice guys.

    PV: I always like youir attitude.

    alujina: Yeah, some women need to improve their self esteem.

    Mad: You can't save jerks. They are what they are.

    Michelle: Women often marry men with the bad qualities their father had rather than the good ones. Hard to figure.

    Richard: Yes, it is a mistake.

    nitebyrd: Sorry to hear you married one but reading your profile, looks like you have moved on.

    Sky: Yes, confidence can be super hot but there is usually a downside.

    Giles: Yes, jerkness can be mistaken for confidence.

    And thanks for all the insight from everybody who commented.


  14. I think that there may be circumstances that result in any of the three theories but probably there are other reasons as well... I think my problem was generally the excitement.

  15. sigh, this hits close to home...yes, i tend to be attracted to men who treat me less than i deserve and i don't know why.

  16. There are always going to be women who get a rush from attempting to tame or reform a bad boy even if he's nothing but a rude, egotistical jerk. It also explains why someone like you can attract women.