Sunday, July 24, 2011

Do looks matter?

I found the following on Yahoo on a discussion of five mistakes men make in the dating world.

The first was: Choosing a mate for her looks.

It quoted Ron May, a psychologist in private practice in Madison, Wis., who is on the editorial board for "Psychology Of Men and Masculinity,'' as saying, "What I find is often true with a guy who is dating a beautiful woman is that he starts out by feeling great that he is with this hot person. But then he starts to fear that other men might want her. He becomes jealous, and that can undermine the relationship.''

I think a secure man doesn't feel jealousy.

What are your thoughts. And do women dating good looking guys feel the same way?

Your thoughts?



  1. I used to answer this with an immediate NO.

  2. much as we allknow it is what is on the inside that counts, I think initially looks do matter. I think as we age...and hopefully get wiser, they matter less.

  3. Looks don't matter. They are a plus.

  4. Don't you think that a man who would choose a mate for her looks is likely already insecure and perhaps immature to start with? No, of course there needs to be basic chemistry, but it's what inside that really counts! Sara

  5. As far as know, Jake doesn't get jealous and he's "secure." He does, however, get possessive and demand that others be respectful of "my wife." I've only ever had feelings of jealousy when I was feeling very insecure. Is the article suggesting that men should date ugly women?

  6. I think a little jealousy is a good thing... of course, there is such a thing as over-kill.

    Good looks are a plus.


  7. I saw a program from the UK that tested men and women to compare how much looks counted when meeting someone and deciding whether they were datable. The men all chose the pretty girl but the women all stayed well clear of the handsome guy.

    Seems the attractive man is subconsciously viewed as being polyamorous so good for one night but not for longer.

    On another note...what about the guys who just love to have their women lusted over? I've met a few of them. They like knowing they are with the best girl in the room.

  8. Looks are the prime initial factor in people getting together in an 'eyes meet across the room' ... it's in our genetic make up and appears to be substantiated in numerous experiments. Men and women do look for different things in each other though.

    Men getting possessive and jealous is also instinctual. However the more secure and confident a guy is in himself, the less he is likely to show it. 'Alpha males' tend to show off their mate as part of being them.

    It's a big and complex topic though and this comment really can't do it justice.

    Good blog and followed!

  9. I think people like dating attractive people because it makes them feel good about themselves, as if hooking up with someone good looking would elevate their own looks by proxy.

    That being said, I'm all of attractive guys. But if they can't spell properly....forget it.

  10. I don't know the answer to this one - but Harry agreed with the article:

  11. i think there has to be initial chemistry and that is how a person looks. For example, Im attracted to tall men, so I'd be drawn to the tall guy rather than the short dude. Doesnt mean to say the short dude wouldnt be better suited pesonality wise to me. But how can you tell if you dont get to know them? But if there is no initial chemistry then its not goign to work. The short dude could become my best friend but probably wouldnt become the love of my life - initial chemistry.
    At the end of the day its what's inside that counts, but without that chemistry, well its probably not going to work well.

  12. I don't know the answer to this either, but it did strike me as funny because it came on the heels of something else for me. One of my Ladies works for a man with an extremely jealous wife. After one of the wife's fits, the husband came to work and in the course of conversation asked my Lady if I ever got jealous of her. I'm told she laughed and then explained that she thinks I'm to arrogant to get jealous. I never thought of arrogance as a positive trait, but I guess there really IS always a silver lining if you look for it.

  13. I agree with red shoes. A little jealousy is okay, just don't be all crazy about. I think when I act slightly jealous over my Daddy, it boosts his ego a little. And I think that's a good thing because it reaffirms to our partners that we adore them. )

  14. Good question. I thought I'd ask my husband, Alex for his perspective.

    From Alex:

    I consider myself an average-looking man who is married to an amazingly beautiful woman who makes me feel like Brad Pitt on a daily basis. In my mid-forties now, having lived through the superficial teens and twenties, where beauty is paramount, I realize now that relationships are much more complex than that. Beyond the physical attraction, what is left? As I have grown older and wiser the emotional and psychological aspects to a relationship are much more important. The bond my wife and I have created goes far beyond the physical realm and delves into emotions that I never thought I could experience as a man.


  15. Just for the record, Alex is not an average-looking man. Brad Pitt can't hold a candle to him and pales in comparison :-)